Loving Lessons
by skymateria
Summary: Mello and Near's relationship is somewhat rocky, and so Near decides that Mello should see a "penal advisor". You can probably anticipate the pointlessness of all that follows. MelloxNear, MelloxMatt. Rated M for yaoi lemon, language, that sorta magic :D
1. Chapter 1

We lay together in a pressing darkness, the air humid and close on both our skins, with only the subdued light of the stars far above to see each other's faces by.

Near's eyes were smouldering a glittering onyx as they pierced my own, full of a fire we both knew only one thing would extinguish. I held his gaze only so long before it overpowered me, and I ducked my head to nip at his neck, wanting nothing more in that moment than to indulge him. His answering moan sent ripples through my entire body, and with a whine of my own I wrapped both my arms securely around his waist, pulling him closer still.

He found my eyes again, and put one hand on my bare, shuddering chest, his expression almost curious. There was little for Near to be curious about, seeing as his knowledge stretched so far beyond most other people's, but in this topic he was utterly clueless. It was almost reassuring to know that even he had his areas of weakness.

His other area of weakness was, of course, myself.

I moaned at his touch, and his lips twisted a little in a grin. Dropping his gaze to his hand, he began to trace his spindly fingers across my skin, and I let out a shaky gasp. The action had hardly any more force behind it than a breath of wind, but it was enough to set my heart on fire.

Near smiled a little wider, continuing the motion slowly and carefully, looking thoroughly involved in what he was doing. I fought off the impulse to writhe insanely, afraid to interrupt his actions.

Gradually I could feel his cool fingertips pressing harder into me, and with a small strangled noise I shifted to bite again, all along his jaw and down his throat. I could feel the blood pulsing under his pale skin, almost in time with my own heartbeat; fast and vital. I lifted my head to groan some more.

As every time in the past, the urgency of my voice broke through to Near easily, and in reply he sighed desperately.

"M-Mello..." he moaned softly, and my vision suddenly blurred as a film of red slid across. I'd seen red before, but this was a different red to the kind most people know. It was so, so much more.

I had to sigh as well, marvelling at how he could make the one word sound so beautiful. My hand knotted, almost subconsciously, in his hair, and I moved my lips to meet his own.

I felt his tongue, tentative at first, slide across his bottom lip, holding back until I gave to go ahead. I parted my lips slightly more to allow his entry, and as I felt his tongue squirm into my own mouth my body gave a sudden convulsion, jerking closer still to him, a muffled moan escaping me. Fucking hell, how did he do that to me?

His hands fell away from my chest, and began to descend down my spine towards my hips. I felt goosebumps rising all over me where his touch had been, and my hands imitated his, but instead crawled slowly for his shoulders. He sighed, our mouths still interlocked, and in return I bucked my hips, just gently, against him.

His response was immediate, and more violent than I'd anticipated. His hands twitched and accelerated downwards, his own body pushing forcefully back against mine.

Unthinkingly I bucked right back again, the action coming naturally, it seemed, to me. At long last Near chose to end our kiss, gasping for breath, his eyes rolling a little. His small smile had been replaced by a larger, slightly demonic one now, and once he'd caught his breath he spoke at last.

"M-Mello...n-now? P-please...please Mello...please can we...?"

He tailed off, looking deep into my eyes. I knew exactly what he was getting at though, and perhaps it seems a little strange, but I'd been dreading the moment when he would ask this.

Not because the prospect of what Near wanted frightened me; but because it simply could not be.

Regardless of how much I wanted to grant him this wish, one simple thing punched holes through the entire plan. One stupid, simple, ridiculous thing. And, frankly, skirting around the issue gets me nowhere, so I may as well just come out with it outright.

In all honesty, the only problem in mine and Near's relationship is that when the time comes, I simply _cannot get it up_.

I suppose something about me is just fucked. No one else has this problem in their relationships, do they? Except me. It's bloody bullshit. If I have to stand out from the crowd, I'd like it to be for something good. Not for being severely lacking in hard ons.

It's not bloody fair. I honestly love Near, and I want him to be happy. If sex is the key to our relationship, then so be it. If it's what Near needs than that's all that matters to me.

And I just...can't. I'm obviously screwed somewhere along the line.

And so it was with a heavy heart that I returned only a blank stare in answer to Near's question.

His face fell theatrically, twisting my heart painfully in my chest. I reached my hand up to cup Near's face in my palm, but he batted me away with a defeated look, betrayal scrawled across his face. I let the hand fall and waited in silence for him to say something.

He remained quiet, eyes averted.

After a suitably agonizing, awkward silence I attempted to speak, certain I was going to stumble over my words, and correct in this assumption.

"Near, I'm- I'm really sorry..." I paused, no idea how to continue. I felt my face screwing up as I struggled to speak. "You know that- that I want to as well...b-but..."

Suddenly he was on his feet, shivering as he stared down at me, abandoned on the bed, barely visible. All I could see was the trembling outline, and the pained tawny eyes.

"T-this has gone far enough," he said, voice barely holding a steady note, fracturing several times. "Mello...if you truly love me..."

I nodded furiously, remembering that he probably couldn't see me after several seconds and pausing, feeling stupid.

Near took a deep breath and continued. "If you truly love me, I want you to go and see someone about this. I want you to sort out this problem so we can just _have_ the relationship I want us to have!"

There was a long pause, until quite suddenly I remembered how to exclaim violently.

"What...the _fuck_?! You...you want me to go to some random stranger so that they can tell me how to sort out my own penis, for Christ's sake?"

Near's eyes suddenly clouded unhappily, but still pierced me in the dim light.

"Do you love me so little as to not even try, Mello?" His voice was soft, melodical, calm; but I could hear the tense, more threatening note underneath, plain as day to me. To anyone with ears, I'd have thought.

I flailed internally, desperate to point out that this was pretty much the best way ever for a young man to kill his dignity, only just restraining myself. After all...it was Near, and my primary goal in life was for him to be happy.

But still...

I sighed in defeat with a minute nod of my head, and slumped with a loud huff back onto the pillows, my eyes closing. I couldn't tell, in that instant, who I was madder with; me or Near.

Near wanted the one thing I couldn't give him, and wanted to get a third party involved – which, in my opinion, was one shit idea. Totally uncalled for. If I can't sort out what my own body does, how the hell does he think anyone else'll be able to?

On the other hand, there's me, who can't get it on with the guy he loves because of a total lack of boner. Whoa, thinking about it...that classifies as one epic FAIL.

Well, whatever...I said I would, and so I guess I'll just have to see what happens. Although there's a certainty, in my head, that whatever ensues, I'm never going to want to show the world my face again.

Oh, fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Umm...chapter two time? Woop? Please like it, because I don't . Whether you like it or not, please comment, firstly because I'll love you forever if you're nice and I want to know if there's stuff I can do better. Which there is, I'm sure, so um...yeah :P And a big thank you to DiabolicaJeevas for having this idea in the first place :) That's right kids, this whole fic wasn't even my own idea ^.^ **

It didn't take me very long to become half-suicidal over my promise to Near. In fact, it began to kick in after being redirected through several wards of old, dying people in our local hospital. I mean really, why the fuck was I here too?! They were old and half dead. And I...wasn't.

Oh but wait, I have just as good an excuse to be here, I reasoned. After all, _I can't get it up_!

And so, after a long trawl through pristine white room after pristine white room, I come to something a little more promising. Well, I say promising...depressing, but still...what I was looking for. Unfortunately.

God, I suck.

I glance quickly around before I open the door to the "Sex Clinic", as they've so charmingly called it. Seriously! They couldn't have made it more obvious and embarrassing if they'd tried. And here I was, swanning in to tell some total stranger about my sex life. Wonderful.

I'd booked ahead, so obviously someone was waiting for me inside, partially hidden behind the impressive volume of clutter covering their desk. I can't say, in all honesty, that I was immediately reassured by this person's appearance.

He was about my age, give or take a year or so, and looked a lot like he was a model for some kind of alternative clothing company, wearing a striped shirt and a furry jacket, with frayed jeans and large, oddly dangerous looking boots. Oh, and goggles. Of course.

A cigarette stuck out of his mouth at a cheerful angle, and as he heard me enter he looked up very briefly from his Nintendo DS, clutched tightly in his (gloved) hands as if his life depended on it.

"Um..."

He pauses, his eyes meeting mine for the briefest instant from under his thick mop of crimson hair, then flickering back absently to his game.

"Just...gimme two ticks..." He stuck his tongue out a little in apparent concentration, mashing buttons violently. He nodded jerkily at the chair on the other side of his desk. "Take a seat."

I stand rigidly for a moment, then slowly deposit myself in the chair, eyes still accustoming to the man before me. How the hell did he get into a medical career? I thought vaguely. It seems a lot more likely this man has climbed through the window and assassinated the real person, actually. Well, bollocks. It's not looking particularly good.

Eventually the redhead looks up. There's nothing apologetic in his face as he shoves the DS into an overflowing drawer, just a look of vague amusement. The sort of expression a retard wears just before asking where they are.

Suddenly he seems to remember something and points dramatically at me. Surprised by this I stare, ending up slightly cross eyed. Desperate not to make this more awkward that it absolutely must be I quickly fix my gaze to mirror his. He gives one short, hard laugh.

"You must be Mello!" he exclaims, not lowering his finger.

I nod once, frowning slightly. Just because he worked behind a door with the word "Sex" on it in large letters...was that necessarily an excuse for him being a total freak? "Yes, I...am..."

He laughs again and finally decides to stop pointing. "You're the one with the boner problem, am I right?" he asks shamelessly, grinning openly at me. I feel my cheeks burst into flames and with difficulty resist the urge to hit him.

"I'll take that as a yes..." he murmurs, and reaches out a hand, his expression suddenly becoming genial and pleasant. "So sorry. We're already talking about your problems down south and I haven't even introduced myself!" He laughed again, seemingly at his own joke. Oh God. "I'm Matt. Pleased to meet you."

Reluctantly I pinch his hand between a few of my fingers, then put both hands back in my lap, feeling awkward. I stare expectantly at him. He stares expectantly back. Eventually he decides to bless me with a little help.

"I'm going to be your councillor, if you like, on this problem of yours until it gets better, right? So I'd appreciate some insight into what exactly is wrong."

Before I can protest he beams a dazzling smile, almost irritatingly enough for me to stand up and leave. But no, I promised my stupid little albino I would try.

And so I gape pointlessly for several seconds, feeling my cheeks flush more still.

"W-well...we've found that...that um..."

Matt continues to stare, one hand on his chin in thought, although more it seemed to hide the smile blossoming there at my awkwardness, nodding occasionally. I look away. Fucking hell, the bastard's really enjoying himself, isn't he?!

So I continue, tripping over my words, scowling at a poster on the wall talking about condoms. Well they could just fuck off, I think nonsensically, determined to direct my anger somewhere or other.

"We've, uh, found that...when...w-when we-"

I suddenly remember something that I took as being really quite normal, but Matt would not, and swear internally. Bet this douche doesn't have to deal with gays every day. He's gonna have a right good laugh now. I'll try to skirt around it for now...although I'm pretty certain it's not gonna last five minutes. Bugger. BUGGER!

"W-well um, me...me and my partner..."

Matt's sensing my embarrassment, and biting back another chuckle attempts to comfort me. "Don't be so shy, Mello, I hear this sort of thing a lot."

I scowl harder, wondering if this will have the unfortunate side effect of me developing disfigured eyebrows.

And then it all comes out suddenly and irritatingly unexpectedly, like I'd yanked out the cork from a champagne bottle. Shit.

"Me and my partner can't have sex because I can't get a hard on with...them," I say extremely fast, wondering if Matt would have caught any of it, but apparently he did, because he suddenly snatches up a pen and begins scribbling some notes, biting back a smile.

I sigh, aware of the slight, annoyed growl that comes with it. Matt nods, mouthing the words he's putting on the paper with his tongue out again. He clearly can't do anything normally then.

And so what if I'm being unfair to him? Given the situation I think I'm allowed to be PMSing with the world a little.

Once he finishes writing he meets my eyes again. Unwillingly I look back, torn between looking at him and continuing to attempt to wither the poster with my glare. His face surprises me; it's almost serious.

Oh no. I think I may just hate this man.

"Right," Matt says in the end, having finished writing about my problem. "And...are there any reasons you can think of why this may be happening?"

What a dick. He's trying so hard not to laugh at me, isn't he? I thought he dealt with people like me every day! Bloody bastard.

I frown even harder at the poster, hoping it won't take this personally.

"No, I can't think of any reasons."

He pauses, looking almost disappointed. "None?"

"None." I confirm, my voice perhaps a little too hard. So what? Is it really necessary to ask these things...? Well yes, I suppose, but still...dear God this so embarrassing! Someone kill me now!

"Right," Matt says again, and then, totally unabashed: "So...do you think we should just try everything until we get a reaction?"

I finally tear my eyes from the poster to gape at him.

"What do you mean, "we"?"

He smirks unbelievably smugly. "Well, I'm the one helping you. If I can find a way to get you up, then surely your partner will be able to by the same means just as easily."

...What?!

This isn't even vaguely right. There couldn't be a huge amount more wrong with what he just said. I don't want to be given a boner by some random stranger with goggles, for fucks's sake! This isn't good!

And he's now noticed my terrified expression. Crap. So, being my councillor, what does he of course do? Oh naturally, he laughs.

"Don't feel awkward. If you do it won't help anything. And besides...I've seen a lot of tackle in this job. I'm used to it."

As if this isn't cringe worthy enough, he then decides to wink at me. Can this get any worse? I think 'no' is the simple answer. Dear God. So, my penal advisor is a flirtatious gay redhead with a Nintendo fetish? Niiiice. That's low even for me!

But still...I promised Near. I can't go back on that, it would be the very last straw. And, way things are now, I think losing Near would probably kill me. So, I guess there's no way around this.

Bollocks! I hate this man so very much.

He's so ridiculously confident, for one thing. And seriously...if my life partner can't get me up, why the fuck should he be able to?

I accept, he could well be popular with the girls, but that's no excuse for this. Anyway, girls are seemingly drawn in by arrogant bastards, so that says a lot about how smart they are. Pfft. Same sex relationships for the win.

I suddenly realise that I haven't replied, and that Matt is staring at me with hilarity flaring in his eyes. Hastily I nod and say the first words to unwisely touch my lips.

"Well, thanks for being so supportive...I, uh, I really...appreciate this..." I trailed off, and returned my gaze to the relatively safe spot of the condom poster.

Matt notices that this is where my eyes are going quite excessively at this point, and turns around to see what I'm glaring at. Oh shit. Now I'm going to look even odder.

He stares for a couple of seconds, then turns back to me with an irritating smile.

"Ah, the condom. You seem fascinated by it...I have some you can buy, if you're interested...?"

And so he reaches inside his desk and yanks out an entire box of them and plants them triumphantly on top, to my almost infinite horror. He beams. "What do you think?"

"..."

"Listen, I like you, so you can even have a discount if you'd like?"

I blink several times, having established for certain now that it is really time to leave. "I'm good, thanks..." I mumble worriedly. He nods patronisingly, continuing to grin. Oh, you sod. Matt, you are a SOD. Shaking slightly, I rise from my chair. Matt frowns.

"Hey, are you going somewhere?"

"Well, I think we've got somewhere today, and-and it _is _getting kinda late..." I waffle pointlessly, shuffling towards the door. "Um...when am I due back?"

Matt checks some papers on his desk, looking a little disappointed his new source of fun is leaving so soon. What he sees is apparently displeasing, as it is soon displaced on the floor. He smiles again.

"Let's say tomorrow, same time."

I nod once, wobble out of the room and then I'm running flat out for the car. For anything that isn't that sleazy retard. Oh holy crap...tomorrow?! I can't do this. I can't face up to him again. I can't let him get me fucking horny! Everything about that is just...wrong, pervy, _nasty_. If anyone should get me horny it should be my own fucking love interest.

As I drive I think of alternatives. There aren't any.

Oh God...

All I can do is...I could just ask – just _beg_ – Near not to make me do this. Surely in the end it could be sorted out, and easily enough too, if we went about it the right way...

Right, I have to do this. He might kill me, but...between being killed by someone I love and getting it on with a stranger, I'd pick the former any day.

Yeah. Let's do this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Heh... I need to update more regularly. I would start spouting excuses as to why this has taken four months to write, but I don't really have any adequate ones. So, um... yeah, sorry :D I love you all, please keep reading this..? You guys are really good for my self esteem 3**

And so, I gallantly enter the house, all set to explain my dilemma to Near, bold as can be, my face a picture of bravery.

My confidence is however shattered almost instantly upon entering the house, in the form of a mostly-naked Near launching himself down the hallway at me, which, in all honesty, I hadn't really been expecting.

In a large ball of adult males, we tumble to the floor, me lying on my back on the floor, keys still in hand, and Near sitting in a rather forward manner on my chest. Vaguely my mind points out that the door is still open, but given the complicatedness of the rest of the situation I am unable to do anything about this.

Eventually I regain myself enough to speak, staring at Near with slightly unfocused eyes due to the proximity of his face to my own.

"Um...Near...?"

Maybe it wasn't the most helpful choice of words, but...I wasn't really sure how to say anything useful in these circumstances. And so I wait, frowning, for an explanation. A bloody good one, hopefully.

He graces me with a nod, asking wordlessly for me to continue. I struggle internally for a couple of seconds.

"Um...why...why are you...on top of me...clothelessly?" I force out slowly, having finally remembered hazily how to speak. Only hazily, though.

He smiles sweetly and shakes his head, mocking me. How kind.

"I'm not _clotheless_..." he mutters darkly, feigning irritation. Poor Near, he probably thinks I'm enjoying this too...if he only knew how much of a mood I'm in. "I'm wearing _boxers_..."

To prove he's telling the truth he then stands upright on his knees, putting very little distance between his crotch and my face. I nod slowly, squinting a little. White underwear are blindingly bright when they're that close to your eyes.

"Aah...I see now," I say slowly, wondering what the hell to do, getting into more and more of a panic as Near sits back, then skips any go-betweens and sprawls out over my torso, resting his chin on my collar bone, his wide, dark eyes piercing my own.

"So, Mello..." Near begins, his voice little more than a purr. "How are you feeling...?"

I think a more apt, to the point question would probably have been, 'have I got you up yet?', but Near isn't the type to be straight and to the point about that sort of thing. So, this is going to be all the more awkward. Wonderful.

Before I can even comprehend any kind of answer, he has wrapped his arms around my waist and is rubbing small circles into the small of my back, eyes still deep in mine. I ripple involuntarily, and Near smiles.

This is so cruel. Why's my body fucked up enough to do that? Now his hopes are gonna be up, and I'm not. And that's going to sting, when he realises...

Holy shit, what if he gives up right now? When he twigs it...it's pissed him off enough recently, what if this is the last straw? Crap! Crap, crap, crap...don't leave, Near.

...And now I'm talking to myself. Oh dear.

Weakly, I attempt to move my arms and grasp his shoulders, and open my mouth, only to be disappointed by the total lack of sound that emerges.

It's only a couple of seconds after I've done it that I realise Near will totally misread my actions, and so he does.

As my hands tighten on him his eyes widen, perhaps in shock that I appear to be responding, and he grinds his body down against me, and forces his lips to mine in an almost violent way.

My first instinct is of course to kiss him back, but seeing as I won't be able to follow up a make-out session with what he truly wants, it's only going to go badly. Damn my crotch. Damn it.

But then of course, if I pull away... That won't go down well either. Bugger.

And so, I return the gesture softly, attempting to tell him through movement alone that this isn't working, although he doesn't seem to notice this for a few seconds.

When he does draw back, his eyes are hard to read. He cocks his head a little to the side, seeming to be considering me. "Mello..?"

I nod pathetically, pushing him very gently away from my body a little. Not only because of the obvious reasons, he's heavier than he looks.

He sighs, and I can tell he's worked it out. They don't call him a genius for nothing... In fact, they don't call him a genius at all most of the time. Most people have much more offensive names for him than that. Hence, I contradict myself.

He's not looking at me anymore, seemingly abruptly more fascinated by the wall behind me (and indeed, the still open door. When was that going to get closed?). This combined with the fact he's now sitting on the floor and not myself really does not bode well for my longevity.

I continue my apprehensive stare at his rigid face until at last his lips part again. "You don't want this...do you?"

I _knew _he'd see it like this! Almost before I can comprehend my own actions, I've huddled him in my arms, and am mumbling frenzied apologies into his hair. His further silence is unhelpful.

"Near..." I can already tell that whatever attempts I make to patch things up will really not get me anywhere, but never mind. "Near, I'm sorry it can't work...now...but soon it will... Promise, 'kay?" I look at him as sweetly as I can manage. He pouts back, and I try not to laugh at his beautiful retarded little face.

"You don't want me," he muttered in what I could only describe as a sulky way; biting back my smile with difficulty, I protest.

"Of course I want you! How could I not want you? You're _awesome_."

He gives me a blank stare, heaves himself to his feet, and makes to leave the room, mumbling something about going to bed over his shoulder.

I stay where I am on the floor, legs splayed at an interesting and probably unhealthy angle, wondering if that encounter could have gone a great deal worse. After weighing up arguments for both yes and no, I draw the conclusion that I don't give a shit anyway. All I know is that Near's probably going to be a bit pissy if I come too close too soon.

It eventually occurs to me to close the front door, and once this has been achieved I decide to have a little think. Partly about Near, and how to solve our problems, but mostly about Matt.

He's got to be the biggest fucktard I've ever met; and, to be honest, I've made acquaintance with quite a few over the years. Suggestive little bastard... I bet he's gay as well. He sure as hell acts like it... Regardless of his orientation however, I will not allow him to get me horny, which unfortunately is his sole objective with me. But I can't..! It would just be wrong on so many levels for that to happen...

And besides, if Near found out that a retarded stranger could get me up, and he couldn't, I would be up to my neck in all seven shades of shit.

Hmmm.

Whatever the redhead's problem, I'm due back there tomorrow... Maybe he actually will try to help me. There's always a strange and unlikely possibility of that, I suppose. Or maybe he'll just continue to fuck my head up, like he's already done...only more so. I shudder even at the thought, and attempting to throw the invading Matt out of my head (with very little success, dammit) go for a lie down on the sofa, where I proceed to have a very accidental sleep.

And when, in my dreams, Matt suddenly comes into existence, I'm so pissed off with him I almost wake up again. It's doubly irritating that he's not even there for any explicable reason, he's just standing and playing his game... After a few minutes, I kindly request he gets his ass the hell out of my dream before I stick a cucumber up it, and he leaves, unfortunately taking the rest of the dream with him. Rude bastard.

And then I wake up, and remember with the utmost dread that I have to go and see said rude bastard again later. There are so many things I'd rather do... To list but a few, being run through with a spear and hung by my reproductive organs from a bridge. I really, really do not wish to see Matt again.

But...

I try to reason with myself. Maybe I'm being stupid about all of this; maybe Matt is actually a really good person, and he'll really be able to help me. And as awkward and pissy as I may feel about the whole affair, in truth, his help is what I need. Maybe I'll try to accept him this time.

Or maybe I'll unexpectedly start beating the living shit out of him. Either could happen.


	4. Chapter 4

**Look, another chapter ! Magical, right ? I hope so, I was in a really fanficcy mood, so I wrote this and chapter five in less than 24 hours o.O but I think I'll wait a little while before I post that :D Unless anyone wants it like...quickly ? XD This chapter and chapter five were both fuelled by Simple Plan, Jeffree Star, After Eights and Lucozade, by the way :) Just sayin' :P 'Kay, I'ma stop ranting now :) **

"Mello!"

Matt's greeting to me as I slink miserably into the room is almost a shout, and I flinch instinctively away from him, wondering how much trouble I'd get in if I slapped him. Near might castrate me, so best not.

I nod in apprehensive reply, and he waves enthusiastically at the seat on the other side of his desk, pocketing his DS and beaming like a squirrel on ecstasy. I pause.

"Sit down, sit down!" Matt sings, drumming impatiently on the desk. "We have to get down to business with your cock, remember?"

My face then proceeds to turn a rather fascinating shade of crimson, and I sit down rather harder than I meant to in my anguish. "Er-"

Matt stares at me shrewdly. "You're still feeling awkward about this whole affair, aren't you..?" he asks, leaning forwards alarmingly, his eyes wide and feigning understanding. Well, _no shit, Sherlock_! Why the fuck would anyone feel embarrassed about such a thing as this?

I decide against answering him, and after a suitably long pause he leans back. "Ahh, you should not be embarrassed about your erectile dysfunction, my friend. It's really quite a common issue, and as your councillor, I will of course be understanding and supportive of you all the way."

That statement was wrong on so many levels. I proceed to have a coughing fit while the dim-witted redhead looks on with eyes like golf balls. Seriously, what was going through his head when he said that, exactly?

He's not even partially right about any of it. I mean, for one thing, he's not my fucking "councillor". I'm not spilling out my woes to him or some shit like what people do with councillors; although... I grimace. If he gets his way, I'll be spilling out the contents of these tight leather pants instead...

Matt is still beaming, for some reason unbeknownst to me. I stare him straight in the eyes for several seconds, then look away as he starts talking. The less eye contact, the less I'll feel inclined to punch him. Hopefully.

"So!"

The resounding sound of an idiot with a plan makes me jump.

"What shall we try first, Mello? Any ideas?"

Grudgingly I meet his eyes again, having serious second thoughts about holding my temper.

"You mean... You don't actually have any ideas about what we're going to try..?" I ask incredulously. Matt pauses, eyebrows receding into his hair.

"...Well, no."

A little voice inside my head is telling me that Matt's a dickweed and needs to be strangled and bludgeoned to death using a large, wet fish. Without my permission, my hands slowly begin to rise from my lap, towards Matt's throat, who completely fails to notice this rather startling new development.

"Well, actually, I suppose that's not quite true -"

My hands drop onto the cluttered desk with an audible bang, and I pull my right hand into my lap with a curse of pain, massaging it furiously. Matt continues to stare over my head, looking even more gormless than usual, apparently racking his brains. Well, that shouldn't take long.

"We could try... Some aphrodisiacs?" he suggests after a moment. I look up in surprise, still rubbing my throbbing fist. Did that genetic throwback just have a decent idea? Fucking hell.

"Aphrodisiacs?" I repeat slowly, staring into his eyes. Irritatingly, they're pretty earnest, and now I'm looking, quite a pretty shade of emerald. I shouldn't have noticed that.

He nods affirmatively, and starts scrabbling around in one of the alarmingly full drawers in his desk. Wait – so he keeps foods that get people horny in drawers in his office? Just randomly? He's more fucked up than I previously thought, clearly. And to be honest, that's pretty fucked up.

He sighs, and begins to take things out of his drawer and place them on the desk. "Sorry...I think they must be quite far down," he explains, piling pointless objects high. I survey the growing collection with a mixture of concern and fear.

There are a great many things sitting in a heap already; to name but a few, a special edition of Monopoly, several Zelda figurines, a whoopee cushion, some old game cartridges, some kind of dirty magazine, and a box of contraceptive pills.

I decide that I'm not going to ask.

After a couple more minutes, Matt resurfaces with a loud cry of "Oh, thank the Deku Tree!", and plants a large box on the desk before me.

It quite clearly used to be a shoebox, but in at attempt at cunningness, he's put wrapping paper all over it and written "SEX FOOD" on it with a permanent marker. So very sly.

I blink at him, and he carefully removes the lid, looking extremely proud of himself. Inside are two avocados, a packet of almonds, and a rather impressive bar of chocolate.

Very impressive, actually... each little chunk is perfectly identical, the surface smooth and unmarred by teeth nor fingerprints, almost shining. A couple of little flakes stick to the front of the packaging, delicate and dainty, just waiting to be lapped away by the first person to have the pleasure of opening it. The bar itself is a perfect, creamy, light brown, pure and constant in its shade. It is perfection.

I stifle a moan.

Matt looks up with a small smile. "Yes, Mello? Do you think this would be a good idea?"

I can't help but give a rapid, jerky nod. That chocolate is actually teasing me.

"Excellent! So, would you care to share a packet of almonds with me?"

I pause. "Er – ok... Almonds..."

Matt looks pleased, opening the packet swiftly and offering it to me, face hopeful. I slowly take an almond and eat it. The taste is rather inadequate, I think disdainfully, but then decide this could be due to my mind being set on the chocolate. Such sexy chocolate...

Matt also takes one, and eats it with his eyes never wavering from mine, looking more than slightly retarded. "How does that almond make you feel?" he asks dramatically after a moment, almost causing me to spray chewed almond all over him in amusement.

"Er – w-well – I – don't really feel any different – um-"

"Are your thoughts towards me any more lustful than they were before the almond?" Matt presses, holding my gaze and slowly popping another almond into his mouth, offering me the pack again.

I pause, feeling my cheeks tingeing pink. "Um. No."

Matt looks nonplussed and shakes the bag at me. "Well, eat a few more, then see how you feel!" he says brightly, smiling broadly yet again. _Why is he so happy?_ I wonder in something like frustration.

A few minutes later, we have in a joint effort finished all the almonds. He looks at me expectantly.

"Now, Mello, I want you to imagine me without a shirt, and then I want you to tell me how it makes you feel. I, in return, will imagine you without that vest, and tell you how it makes me feel. All right?"

Why would I ever be all right with that?

I nod, in total contrast to my opinion, and stare at Matt's stripy chest, steadily growing redder as I attempt feebly to dematerialise his shirt. After a few awkward minutes, Matt sighs and removes his shirt, and indicates that I should do the same. "Imagining is sort of difficult..." he grins, squashing his shirt into a ball and placing on the desk in front of him.

I pause for several seconds, then remember that Near will kill me if he finds out I'm being difficult, and remove my own top reluctantly, the heat in my face almost uncomfortable by now. Matt smiles encouragingly, and I determinedly avoid his eyes, staring instead at his torso, twitching slightly.

Well, he's certainly not fat... Really quite skinny, to be honest. He's certainly not bulging with rippling muscle or anything... But it's – it's quite a nice sort of skinny.

I am suddenly stuck with a bizarre urge to touch him, and frown furiously, angry with myself. That's not supposed to happen..!

"Nice six pack," Matt comments quietly, smiling at my stomach. I flush further, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze. "Um – thank you..."

This unusual experiment concludes about five minutes later, with Matt abruptly pulling his shirt back on. I hurriedly replace my vest, not wishing to sit topless before a stranger for longer than was necessary.

We stare blankly at each other for a moment, then Matt offers his thoughts, totally unabashed. "Well, I'm aroused," he says with a shrug. There is a very long, very awkward pause.

"Um – I'm not particularly excited... But that was just the first step, right? I'll get there at some stage, I'm sure -"

I stop quickly, aware that I'm starting to waffle. Matt looks a little put out, and for some strange reason, I feel slightly bad, but then he smiles again. I wish he'd stop _fucking _doing that!

"That's right, Mello. It's just the first thing we've tried. Next session, we'll try out the avocados or the chocolate." He crumples up the empty packet and puts it casually in a drawer, still smiling. "And if you're still not ready to explode man-juices everywhere by then, we'll just try something else!"

His bluntness really is utterly cringe worthy.

"Oh, I should perhaps explain that I'm bisexual." He grins at me, and I merely nod in reply. Well... Excellent. So he actually _might _be attracted to me? That's so fucking reassuring! That's definitely going to make this whole affair much less difficult!

"Anyway, that's all for today. I'll see you – when am I seeing you?" He flicks through a folder and checks his torture schedule. At least he's checking today and not just deciding when he wants to see me, I guess.

"Ah, day after next... See you, then." He smiles and waves, even though I'm still sitting right in front of him. I take this as my cue to leave and wander out of the door, feeling a little more concerned than yesterday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wheyy, a kind of quick upload! That's nice, isn't it? A load of you wanted that, so I thought I'd be nice :) I hope you likes it :) I'll try to update again quite fast, but I'm back at school soon, so...so yeah :L And I've now run out of After Eights, so... I need more fuel O.O Anyway...XD **

I've been sitting watching TV for a few minutes before Near enters the room, not looking quite as alarming as he had last time I'd returned from one of Matt's sessions. This is quite a relief – as much as I love Near, he can't just wander about semi-nude all the time in an attempt to excite me. It's a bit weird.

"Hey," I smile, hoping he's not going to try to come on to me again. He alights quietly beside me, eyes flicking momentarily to the screen, where I've got the news on. There's been some kind of natural disaster, I think.

Near watches it for a moment, eyes as blank as ever. Seriously, even when he's getting horny he's totally impassive. It's a little unnerving.

"How sad," he murmurs, taking my hand and playing absently with my fingers. After a moment, his attention returns to me, and he asks softly, "How was your meeting with Matthew today?" He's trying to sound casual, but there's a taut undertone in his voice.

I pause. "Who-? Oh, Matt... Yeah, it was... It was ok." I am at a slight loss for what to say. The most major thing that I think happened with me and Matt today was me noticing how nice his eyes and chest were, and I can't tell Near that, for obvious reasons. Otherwise I'll probably lose my balls to a kitchen knife, or something similarly unpleasant.

His eyes bore into me. "Nothing major to report?"

I pause. "Er – no. No... Not yet, my dear..." I carefully avert my eyes from his, feeling awkward. He continues to rub the back of my hand as if I haven't responded at all. I don't want there to be another exceedingly-awkward-moment like yesterday, and so I resort to waffling for the second time in one afternoon. I need to get a hold of this new runaway habit, before someone gets hurt...

"We decided that -" Even as I begin talking, I realise that I should probably skirt the issue that Matt is trying to get me horny right there in his office. Yeah. Maybe. " – that I should try some aphrodisiacs, to see if they help me feel more... In the mood." I attempt a smile.

Near looks up, almost (but not quite) interested. "Aphrodisiacs?" he repeats. "Like... Let me see... Almonds, and the like?"

I sigh, and nod, the vague taste of the almonds from earlier still in my mouth."Yes... I tried almonds today, actually..." Near stares at me expectantly. "But – er – they didn't really help, as such... We're going to try out something else next time."

Near thought for a moment, eyes back on the TV. The report on this disaster is still on...maybe it was quite a big one, then.

"Mello... Chocolate is an aphrodisiac, isn't it?" he asks slowly, a light dawning in his autumnal eyes. "And you like chocolate..."

I pause, and attempt unsuccessfully to ignore the obvious implications of his words.

"Y-yeah, you're right... Maybe we'll try that out in the next meeting," I mumble, making to stand up before he can undress me and request sex right there in the living room. "I'm going to go and have a shower, Near..."

I hadn't originally been going to, but desperation not to fuck my other half caused that to be the first thing to issue from my foolish mouth, apparently.

...Wait, I should want to fuck Near, shouldn't I? Seeing as he _is_ my other half... I frown inwardly, trying to think of a reason why I thought that. I'm afraid of disappointing him. Yeah, that's it!

I suppose I should actually have a shower now...

Maybe it'd clear my mind. My mind does need clearing, actually... Right now, Matt is bouncing around in my head like a redheaded spring, and that's not the way it should be at all.

I enter the bathroom quietly, and strip off quickly, throwing my clothes into a messy pile on the floor. It reminds me vaguely of the pile of crap Matt had removed from his drawer earlier... Dammit, that retard really is in my fucking head.

I turn the water right down to the coldest it'll go, and step in, bracing myself. As anticipated, it's quite chilly. I shiver, feeling my hair being plastered to my head. Now, Matt... Kindly get out of my head, I think in oddly polite tones. Why am I thinking like this, and why am I being polite..? I think being in that man's presence has affected my already dubious sanity.

What I do next is something I didn't anticipate doing. But...being in a shower means I'm alone, with just me and my body, and suddenly I feel that I would really, really like to jack off.

I take my length in my hand with light touches and run my fingers gently up and down, shivering. The cold water's making me feel even more sensitive to the lightest thing, and to be honest, it feels fucking nice. I mean, it's not like I can get off very much, what with the whole situation with Near being unable to give me a boner...

I sigh with pleasure, slumping back against the wall and tugging gently at my cock, and close my eyes, ready for some good self lovin'.

To my immense irritation however, the second I close my eyes, Matt appears in my mind's eye, smiling like the dope he is and giggling at me.

What - ?

Why's this happening? I'm just wanking off! I'm not fucking wanking off over him!

... Am I?

I – no, He's retarded. Why would I feel the need – over him – when I've got a perfectly good Near in the other room? It's much more appropriate for me to be wanking over Near. Near is good. Matt, get lost and die.

The little Matt in my mind just smiles further, and I wish with every fibre of my being that I could hit him with a large stick. For some reason, I've remembered him perfectly – his eyes are just as lustrous as in life, just as soft...

...Why am I complimenting his fucking eyes?

He's got to get out of my head, right now, before this situation gets any worse. Forcefully, I attempt to eject his image, and speed up the motions of my right hand, triggering an involuntary moan. Yeah, that feels good...

And what's better is that Matt's finally out of my head!

...Oh, wait. _Fuck!_

But I can't be bothered to fight him off anymore. Trying my best to think about what my hand's doing, and not that bastard redhead, I speed up my motions a little bit more, and pull my fingernail up and down a couple of times. Ohh, friction...

This continues for a couple of minutes, and I can feel the muscles a little south of my stomach starting to tense. I'm nearly ready to blow... I give a few more firm rubs, and then another strong tug, and climax all over myself, the cool water washing away my mess quickly and efficiently.

Well, that was fun... And it wasn't all because of Matt. Right..? I don't want to have wanked off over him, I'd feel so bad... I wanked off merely for recreational purposes, with nobody in mind. At all.

I exit the shower a few minutes later, and get dressed again, then re-enter the living room, where Near is on the phone, his expression slightly more alive than usual. For a moment, his apparent emotion is very exciting to me, until I suddenly realise that he's looking really, really pissed off.

"Yes. Yes, ok... Fine. Bye."

He hangs up and looks at me unhappily. I cross tentatively to where he's sat on the sofa, sit down, and place my arm gently around his waist. "What is it, babe?"

He pouts despondently.

"You saw that earthquake on the news, didn't you? The company has decided that we're going to raise some money for it."

I blink. "That'd not bad, is it? Saving lives?"

Near scowls. "Of course not! But they've decided that we're going to raise money by doing a fifteen mile midnight walk the night after next... And then I've got work! So I'm going to be out all night and then at work all day!"

I can suddenly understand his irritation. If it'd been me, I probably would've crushed the phone and thrown it out of the window.

"Ah...you're gonna be tired," I point out unnecessarily. Near fixes me with an unfriendly glare.

"Yes, yes I am."

There is an awkward pause on the way. I can tell. So, I decide to take the easy option and leave Near sitting by himself, in favour of going to read a book in the bedroom, declaring myself to be "very sleepy".

I'm attempting to read Near's copy of Twilight, rather unsuccessfully... I give up after around twenty minutes, thoroughly disapproval of Bella and her heterosexual relationship, and attempt sleep, having to groggily beat off Near's attempts at rape at one point, sinking eventually into a peaceful doze, where Matt is courteously not appearing tonight.

Near's in a bit of a mood when I wake up (it'd be hard for most people to tell; but he wasn't brushing his teeth half as systematically as usual), and leaves for work without a word. I think I might've pissed him off... I sure hope my balls are spared. I'm going to have to start being careful... Our relationship's starting to get alarmingly shaky.

And it frightens me beyond words that Matt is supposed to be the solution.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hooray for sixth chapters! Exciting, isn't it? Maybe. I keep forgetting what this fic is actually called for some obscure reason, and on my computer it is still in a folder called "New Fic". I don't know why I'm informing anyone of this, but... Now you know :) I'd also like to say that...possibly, at some point soon, Matt **_**may **_**eat a waffle. I'm uncertain of the exact time yet, but...just to warn y'all ;)**

To my immense surprise, when I enter Matt's office the next day, he isn't looking half as blank as usual. On the contrary, he looks – he looks almost as though he's got an idea. How unexpected.

He waves an arm at me as I enter, and I sit down, looking at him expectantly for several seconds. Then quite suddenly the gigantic, sexy chocolate bar from the other day catches my eye, lying pristine on the desk between us. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Matt grinning at whatever my expression has become. Probably justified, to be honest.

"Yes, we're going to try chocolate today, Mello..." he breaths slowly, his voice clearly amused. I nod, not particularly interested in whatever he's got to say.

"Shirt off!" he orders, pointing dramatically at me. My eyes refusing to rove from the chocolate, I comply. It looks like one of those quite expensive, good quality bars... The sort you might get as a birthday present from someone who doesn't know you well enough to get you something more personal.

To my outrage, Matt, now topless, picks up the bar and opens it. I wanted to do that..!

The high pitched squealing of the packaging tearing almost makes me shiver; I'm a bit too excited about this. Or am I? It looks so fucking good; is getting shaky in anticipation really an overreaction? A small voice in my head says yes, it most certainly is, but I ignore it. Hearing voices is bad, but listening to them is worse.

He snaps off the first row of little chunks, and hands it to me. I note with irritation the untidy fingerprints marring the smooth surface. I could've done that much better.

He breaks off a piece for himself, and shoves it whole into his mouth. I watch in despair, and daintily bite off the first section with a clean snap.

I wasn't overreacting. It's fucking amazing stuff. My eyes must have widened, because Matt's laughing at me. Tosser.

"Ok, I want you to concentrate on my body now, all right Mello?"

I frown a little. I'd forgotten I had to do that, too. I stare reluctantly at his bare chest, chewing the chocolate thoughtfully while Matt gazes steadily at my torso, eating loudly. I wonder if he'd be upset if I hit him.

...Not that I'd care if I upset him or anything.

I regard his skinniness critically, wondering if I could get horny over it. His build is a little more sturdy than Near's... To be honest, I've always been a little uncertain about whether I like how skinny Near is. Matt's a little more...proportionate, perhaps?

...I'm fucking complimenting him again. That's not good!

I'm just going to blame the chocolate. Maybe it is having an effect on me... I hastily glance at Matt's face, wondering if it's having a similar effect on him. He looks a little pink. I'm satisfied for about a second, when I realise I probably look like that too. Oh...

I wish I didn't have to stare at his chest like this. The more I look at it, the more it appeals to me. And I don't want to start crushing on the guy who's supposed to be sorting out my relationship troubles.

...No. No, that can't, and mustn't, happen.

Slowly, we pick apart the bar, and when it is all gone, Matt fixes me with a serious eye. "Now, Mello... Tell me how you're feeling. Don't be shy..."

I pause, my gaze wandering all over him helplessly. I don't want him to know. And I have an excellent reason for not wanting him to know... Although, at the same time, I'm rather proud of myself.

Matt suddenly takes it upon himself to launch into some kind of dramatic and pointless monologue, to my utter dismay.

"Tell me, Mello! Tell me, does my body, and the smoothest of Belgian milk chocolates, make something stir in your pants? Do you feel a passion igniting inside you, a drive to carry out the world's oldest profession, as hard and as fast as you can? Do I, Matt, _turn you on?_"

In the space of these few seconds, I suddenly remember why I came to dislike this man. I've never know so huge a _fucktard _in all my life!

Not wishing to tell him that yes, I do have a hard on, I remain still and silent, trying to rearrange my features into a bemused and concerned expression. I'm not sure it works.

My expression must have been what gave me away, because quite abruptly, the retarded redhead stands, face curling into a demonic smile of victory. He walks slowly around the desk and crouches next to my chair, hands clasped, eyes in a rather special place.

"Hey! What –"

Matt silences me with a look. I don't know how someone like him silences someone like me with a look while I'm outraged, but...somehow, he does.

He stares with what I have to describe as a practiced eye at my crotch, tilting his head as though he's trying to see it from a better angle. Then, like a curious, perverted kid, he reaches out and pats the little (but painfully obvious) bump in the front of my pants, expression pleased.

This action, naturally, causes me to throw myself backwards out of my chair and onto the floor in shock, holding my crotch defensively in some kind of feeble attempt at protecting it from further violation.

Matt looks over at me, expression innocent and slightly amused. "What's wrong, Mello? Don't be ashamed! It's a happy moment! You got up!"

I throw him a death glare, and sit up a little, blushing furiously. "You – touched me!" I exclaim unnecessarily. Matt pauses, then nods in fervent agreement.

"I certainly did! You've got a raging boner! Well done!"

For this statement, I have no reply; not for the first time, I am overwhelmed with disbelief that anyone this retarded could still be alive.

After a moment, he speaks again. "Well...that's definitely a step in the right direction, Mello. I'm fascinated to see what else could make you horny, now that chocolate has so clearly done the trick."

I frown. If chocolate can get me up with Matt, it can certainly get me up with Near, and once I'm up with Near, my problems are all over. So...why's there going to be any need to try out anything else..?

For some exceedingly strange reason however, I don't point this out to him, consigning myself to regular sessions with him until further notice. How very unexpected. I try to think of why I might be doing this, and decide it's just to be on the safe side; in case I can't get it up with Near even now. And it's not, in any way at all, because I'm growing to like the man who just had his hands all over my fornication instrument.

When I get home, Near's already gone for his "charity walk", even though it's barely dark yet; I think they were having dinner beforehand or something. To be honest, that strikes me as quite a bad idea, but...

I decide to go straight to the safe zone of in front of the TV, hoping to distract myself from Near's absence with a good film, or something similar. I end up half-watching The Fourth Kind, commentating on it offensively every now and then, mostly to keep myself company. I'm not used to being alone in the house. I can't say I like it much, to be honest. And maybe a horror flick, complete with a lot of shock moments, is not the best thing to be watching alone.

After the first hour or so, I've decided that I'm never going to watch this film again; but I continue watching anyway merely for something to do. The realism element which had been so strong at the start is starting to deteriorate a little now, and is being replaced with people being possessed and abducted left right and centre. I begin to wonder if I really want to watch anymore of this, and eventually resign myself to sticking my head in a cushion, trying to ignore the unusual things happening onscreen.

This, of course, is when the doorbell rings, making me jump several feet out of my skin.

I stand up slowly and begin to make my way towards the door, taking my cushion with me for protection from any foul aliens that might try and abduct _me_. They don't stand a chance against a leather clad young man armed with a piece of fabric!

I wonder vaguely who the hell is turning up on my doorstep at this time of night, and try to push out of my head the idea that it might be an alien. It's much more likely, I tell myself sternly, to be a paramedic, returning a woeful Near to me after his unexpected collapse while walking with his workmates. I'd prefer that. Then we could have the shit scared out of us by crappy films together, at least.

I reach the hallway and look suspiciously out of the little window in the door for some hint of who it might be, feeling a little disappointed when I see no white hair. Instead, I see a mess of flaming red hair, distorted by the window panes. I frown, and then I realise.

...Doesn't he have a home?

I open the door with sheer dread, and Matt smiles back like a tree frog.

I can either let him inside, or be sent down for grievous bodily harm; the choice is mine.

With a sense of the very purest trepidation, I return his smile.


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, I'm hoping this chapter will be ok, as I haven't actually had anyone check through it... So, um, yeah... Let me know if there's any real errors... It's got a bit of a lemon in though, so hopefully you'll like it :D Updates may be a little slower from here onwards, because I'm back at school very soon, but I'll try my best to be quite regular. Please bear with me, all of you guys reviewing and favouriting me mean a lot :) This chapter is dedicated to a friend of mine who for some reason dislikes yaoi :O So I'm writing him a censored copy...XD Anyway, that's nothing to do with anything, so um... Sayōnara~!**

Almost nervously, I open the door a few more inches, and Matt slithers in like a...like a Matt. There's nothing retarded enough in this world to compare him to.

Wafting in with him comes a very strong scent of chocolate, and almost instinctively I fix my eyes on him and give him a look very clearly demanding an explanation. He smiles, and twirls effeminately in a circle, propelling more of the heavenly smell towards me.

"I am wearing something called chocolate aphrodisiac oil, Mello. It's a kind of perfume, I suppose... As you can probably guess from the name, it's designed to make you horny. And seeing as chocolate worked so well on you, I thought that maybe... You'd like some?"

He withdraws from his furry pocket a small bottle and holds it out to me. "And I think you're awesome, so you can have it for free!"

I pause, and tentatively take the bottle. It'd be sort of rude not to, especially since it's free... Then again, I don't care if I offend him, it's only Matt after all. He might not even have the capacity to be offended, for all I know.

Matt beams at me, and begins to wander in the general direction of the living room, probably intrigued by the disturbing screams coming from the TV. It's not as if I asked him to come in, but... Sure. Why not. It's also a mystery how the fuck he knows where I live, but I'm not even going to question that.

By the time I've entered the room, he's already sat on the sofa, eyes on the screen in fascination, a cushion hugged to his chest just like me. He grins lopsidedly at me as I sit down next to him. It's a little unnerving.

"This is The Fourth Kind, right? Man, this film makes me crap myself."

He continues to smile, leaning back to get more comfortable, and I continue to stare at him in disbelief. He's quite a good distraction actually, even from a film such as this.

"Well, er – please can you make an effort not to crap yourself on my sofa..? I'd be in trouble with my – partner." I finish quickly, and force myself to concentrate on the screen, hoping this will dissuade him from probing any further into the "partner" matter.

Like that would ever happen.

"Ah, your partner! I'd love to meet her, you know, Mello... You've never told me, what's she called, what's she like?"

My eyes flick momentarily back to him, feeling slightly more worried than I usually do, even in Matt's presence. He thinks Near is a she? That's just unhelpful.

"Er... Her name's...Near. She's quite distinctive looking, really... And, er, – she's out at the moment... She won't be back until tomorrow evening, unfortunately..."

Matt beams more. I'm surprised so much smiling doesn't get painful after a while.

"That's cool," he murmurs. It sounds almost scary. "But... Aren't you gonna be lonely, here by yourself all night with only bowel-churning films for company? How about we have a good lad's night in together?"

I can't spend an entire night in the company of this man. I'll die, or possibly even worse, I'll enjoy myself. But, at the same time, he's here now... And he strikes me as being the rather insistent type. He probably won't even take no for an answer.

Bastard.

My silence apparently is an affirmative one, and with another slightly insane smile he stands and looks around. "Awesome! Now, where do you keep the beer..." He begins to lumber off in a kitchen-wise direction, and sluggishly I follow him, sighing and trying not to facepalm.

"Matt, how did you get such a decent job? Was it like, "collect ten chip packets and pursue a medicinal career"?"

He ignores me, having found the fridge, and gives a triumphant cry. "Beer!"

I groan in despair, fetching myself a can of the stuff myself. Maybe I'll feel less frustrated by his existence if I'm pissed, too... I'm not even that good with alcohol, though, so this is probably a terrible idea...

Unceremoniously, Matt flumps back onto the sofa, cracking open his can and taking a long draught. I look into his face with interest for the verdict. He gives a long sigh of apparent approval. "Beer."

Well, I can't argue with that. I sip my own drink, and try not to pull a face. I generally start liking it after a few cans, but to begin with all I can think about is how bitter and un-chocolaty it is. Matt isn't having the same problem, clearly, and I watch with a mixture of admiration and shock as he chucks it right back. Beer's probably quite dangerous for him, actually; I mean, he really doesn't need his mind befuddled any further, I would've thought.

I set my can down and return to the safety of being behind a cushion as the film continues, the characters slowly but surely losing all sanity. From time to time my terror reaches a new peak, in the form of Matt giggling. I thought this film made him shit himself with abject fear, anyway... Maybe that's what the beer was for.

Eventually the credits begin, and I remove my rather warm face from the cushion to find Matt barely inches from me, his eyes alarmingly owlish. "Aww, poor Mello...Are you a 'fraidy cat?"

"Well, you said this film freaked you out, too!" I reply defensively, trying subtly to put a little more distance between us, setting down my cushion and taking what I hope is a very masculine chug of beer. There is a pause, and Matt shakes his head with a bland smile, and goes to help himself to more beer. I battle my instincts, and after several difficult seconds the urge to strangle him gradually fades.

By the time he returns, he's already drunk about half the can, to my concern, and decides to sit on the floor between my legs, as if this is the most natural thing in the world. I try to distract myself with some more beer. I need to dull my senses further, or I'm going to end up killing him in irritation.

I place the now empty can down a little unsteadily. Maybe I'm even worse than I thought at drinking... As long as neither of us decide to do anything stupid, though, it'll all be good.

But I think we both know the likelihood of the redhead between my knees not doing anything stupid.

A silence hangs for several long and awkward minutes while Matt finishes his drink, and then he speaks, tone wavering a little. "Mello... I'm bored..."

My initial reaction is to cheer, but I restrain myself to the simple words, "Oh. What do you suggest we do, then?"

He shuffles around to face me, once again a little closer to my crotch that I think is strictly necessary. "I think..." he murmurs. "...we should have some fun."

Fun, eh? Oh crap. His definition of fun is probably going to differ somewhat from mine...

My suspicions are confirmed about sixth tenths of a second later, with my "councillor" yanking my trousers to halfway down my thighs. Completely unprepared as I obviously am, my reaction is merely to gawp at him and place my hands protectively over my crotch. He smiles retardedly.

"I vote we have fun with your silly little willy!" he states cheerfully, and looks to me for my opinion. It is at this point that I decide to carry out something I've wanted to do for a while. Something I've so dearly wanted...

I slap him as hard as I can across the cheek, knocking his head sideways, and sit, breathing heavily, waiting for his reaction.

I don't know how I could've expected anything different; he's smiling again. Unbe-fucking-lievable.

"Aw, come on Mello! Just think of it as me getting you all warmed up for your girlfriend, eh? Besides, you're clearly turned on by my alluring scent..."

...Um. Well, I can't deny I appreciate his chocolaty aroma, but the tinge of Professional Alcoholic does ruin it slightly. But even leaving what he smells like aside..!

My brain's not really working properly, I decide, watching like a spectator as Matt tugs at my underwear. I suppose I should stay away from beer in the future, seeing as I quite clearly can't take it... He's so fucking impulsive, too... How am I supposed to fight him off..?

What's he doing now..? Oh, fuck – he's got my underwear down as well now... Just _how _did I not notice that?

Wait – _fuck!_

He's got his nose about an inch from my length and is, I think, intending to close the distance really quite drastically. I whimper – he's got me freaking hard again, God fuck it! – and watch as his emerald eyes take on an almost predatory glow, and he slowly opens his mouth and takes me into it, poking his tongue around experimentally.

Fuck that's nice fuck fuck fuckity fuckleberries.

This should not be happening – that much goes without saying. This is wrong, and bad, and – and I'm really enjoying myself. Clearly, I am a terrible individual, and I will go to hell for eternity.

His stupid, wonderful tongue is still moving around, having a little adventure, and I can't help it when it pushes a little harder against me and I groan softly. Matt's eyes are on my face in an instant, sparkling in an almost malicious way. The bastard; there is a bastard on my twanger.

He begins to suck at me gently, still teasing that irrationally sinful tongue all around, and I sigh, shifting slightly. If Near knew what was going on, I'd be...dead, possibly several times.

Oh my... I'm betraying him, utterly. But it's not my fault..! I was seduced, and under the influence... And it's for his own benefit... Matt's not giving me head, he's warming up my genitalia for Near's own sake...

Wow, I'm talking total bullshit!

I am distracted from my nonsensical muses by Matt, tugging a little more firmly on my cock, squeezing a gasp from between my lips and triggering my hips to give an involuntary buck, probably half choking the poor sod. "O-oh...c-crap..."

It's not long after that until I rather abruptly explode into his mouth, surprising even myself, with loud and excited moan. There's a pause, and I feel a strange kind of suction as Matt swallows slowly, then removes my length from his mouth and jumps onto the sofa next to me. I hurriedly stuff myself back into my boxers and pull up my trousers, blushing furiously. Matt is all smiles, as per usual.

"Well, that was fun! Thank you Mello, you've provided me with some excellent entertainment..."

I groan softly, and stand to get myself another beer, wanting to forget what I'd just done. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but... Oh, the guilt...

Matt follows me, grabbing another couple of cans for himself, and together we sit on the sofa, drinking ourselves senseless, the silence only broken occasionally by Matt commenting on the quality of the beer, or the length of my cock.

Eventually, in the very early hours, we come to the end of the beer, and move on to the waffles. I don't know what their qualities are with regards to forgetting one's sorrows, but whatever... I'm craving waffles, anyhow.

Neither of us can be bothered to actually do very much, and so we merely sit on the floor of the kitchen eating them out of the packet, me drenching mine in chocolate sauce first, of course. Once we've reached the end of the waffles, we're both rather the worse for wear, and decide to have a sleep on the floor; we mumble polite "goodnights" and "sweet dreams" and then fall into a doze, full of surreal and over-bright dreams in my case.

The next time I open my eyes, the sun's up, and someone is knocking rather loudly on the door. I moan softly, trying to move my head. It feels like I've got one stunner of a hangover on the way... Weakly I attempt to shuffle towards the door on all fours, failing and falling onto one side with an unceremonious grunt against the doorframe of the kitchen. Ah, fuck it...

And then, to my almost infinite surprise, I look up to see Matt, staggering majestically towards the door, the very image of "plastered".

I haven't got very far, and am therefore unable to see who it is when he at last pulls it open, bashing it against the wall violently. I wince. He could at least be slightly less...drunk.

"Who are you..?" I hear him slur, and listen out closely, but am unable to hear the visitor's reply. Matt, however, seems to find some significance in their answer, and suddenly calls out to me. This is followed by a loud thump, as he almost undoubtedly passes out.

"Hey, Mello! You're not gonna believe this – your girlfriend went and got a sex change while she was out..!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Sparkly new chapter time! :) Sorry this took a bit longer... Like I anticipated, being back at school does indeed mean I've got a lot less fic-writing time in the evenings... It's really sad! :O This chapter is dedicated to My Chemical Romance. They're my sweet, sweet darlings. New album's due on November 22, and I'm really rather excited about that, fuckers. Anyway...XD Hope you enjoiiii! :D**

The silence following Matt's last comment remains unbroken for several very long seconds, until slowly Near comes into my line of sight, looking as blank as ever. He regards me apathetically. "I smell semen."

There is a very awkward pause, which I eventually end, my waffling instincts having just kicked in.

"Well, you see, Near... This is Matt, the nice man who's trying to help our _problem_..." I'm beginning to realise just how drunk I sound, and that this rant will probably not end well, but still the words hurtle inelegantly from my mouth, much to my irritation. "And... I... Invited him over, last night, so I wouldn't get lonely while you were out... And so... We had a few drinks, and since Matt here got a bit tipsy..." I indicate Matt's feet, the only part of him I can actually see. "He just sort of stayed here... We'll send him home now, if you like."

Near blinks a couple of times, and crouches down next to my head. "But that doesn't really explain why I can smell semen, does it, Mello?"

Ah yes.

"Well, I can't actually explain that, Near. I'm just presuming that Matt here has lost control of his bodily functions."

Near's expression is completely unreadable. Then again, it generally is.

"That's a shame. I was hoping the person who was helping you would be slightly less of a retard, to be honest, but..." He trails off, walking back towards Matt, and I follow him, a little concerned for Matt's safety. My new cock-sucking buddy is sprawled on the carpet with all the elegance of a dead cow.

Near observes him quietly, then nudges him lightly with his foot. "Excuse me, Matthew? I think you should go home now..."

Matt nods politely, and begins to heave himself towards the door on his stomach. I sigh, somewhat hypocritically. I'm in a very similar state myself. "Nice to meet you, sir..." he mumbles in the general direction of Near, holding the doorframe as he struggles to obtain a vertical pose. He smiles at me over his shoulder and waves, then sets about careering down the steps, probably to his messy demise. I can't help but feel that anyone as drunk as he is shouldn't even be allowed to go near a car, let alone drive one.

I cross my fingers that he won't die, and begin to crawl towards the bedroom as Near slowly closes the door. I need to have another sleep, this time in an actual bed... My head feels like there's a flange of angry baboons on amphetamines living in it.

"Ah, Mello. Not so fast."

I slump dolefully to the floor, genuinely terrified of what Near might do to me. I can hear his socks scuffing quietly as he comes to stand in front of me, and for once I find the sound genuinely sinister, and not at all irritating like usually. He crouches in front of my face, eyes wide and serious. As per usual.

"He seemed to me to be rather a twat, Mello. Are you sure you wouldn't be better off seeing someone else?"

My alcohol-befuddled brain takes it all completely the wrong way, of course.

"What do you mean..? I'm not "seeing" him! Have you failed to notice that it's you I share my bed with?"

Near blinks a couple of times, then seizes my arms and begins to drag me towards the bedroom, mumbling in a slightly concerned sort of way. "No, Mello, you misunderstand. I'm talking about you seeing him over the problem that you have regarding your penis. You're really very drunk, aren't you..?"

I nod obediently, a wave of guilt washing through me. It seems a lot more like I have a problem with Near, not my cock, taking into account the events of the last day...

How exactly he dragged me all the way there will always be a mystery to me, but eventually I find myself comfortably on my beloved bed, looking up unfocusedly at Near. Something totally unrelated suddenly wanders out of my mouth, surprising both of us.

"How come you're back, anyway? I thought you had work..."

Near sits down beside me, twirling a finger through his fluffy white hair. "I was tired, on account of walking around the town centre all night in the freezing cold. I decided, for this reason, that I would go home."

I pause. "Oh... That makes sense, I suppose..."

Near can tell as well as I can that I'm just burbling pointlessly now. "Go to sleep..." he suggests, sounding bored. I decide that I should probably oblige and shut my eyes. I think the alcohol must've got to me even more than I'd previously thought. Blindly, I tug on Near's sleeve.

"Near, I see centipedes..."

I hear him sigh, and feel him detaching my hand from his arm. "Sleep, Mello..."

Then the door closes and there is silence.

I'm awoken a good deal later by the love of my life patting my arm in what might've been an urgent way, had anyone else been doing it. But of course, since it's Near, it's a lot more detached.

I moan quietly, scrabbling at my eyes and mumbling some half-formed statement about how blindingly bright and painful the light is. I open them, slowly, and realise that it's actually already dark outside, and feel my face tinge red, swearing internally.

"Mello, that foolish ginger drunkard wishes to see you," he states bluntly, and instantly has all my attention.

"Matt? Now?" I ask, sounding perhaps a little more eager than I should. Near nods. "Yes. He wants to have another meeting, I believe. The hospital just called."

"The hospital". It sounds like I have some kind of disorder... Which I suppose I do...

Except I don't, I think bitterly. It's just Near, as far as I can tell. Oh, the shame...

"Maybe you should get dressed and go see him," Near suggests quietly, playing absently with his hair.

"Good plan," I agree seriously, struggling to exit the warmth of my bed. I stumble uncertainly towards the wardrobe, then remember that I'm already dressed, and sigh. Sleeping in leather isn't a habit I should keep up...

"Please, Mello, hurry back. I should rather like to make love with you later..."

I stop in my tracks, feeling a little like I've just been hit over the head with a large club. Now I'm really screwed!

"Er – ok, Near. I'm sure we can attempt something..." I ramble, not helping myself out at all. "Although, I can't promise anything... I might be tired-"

Near cuts across me, for once sounding almost like he's got emotions. Weird. "I want you to make love to me, Mello..." he insists, voice low and trembling very slightly. I nod spastically, not sure what else to do. Before I have any bright ideas, however, he's started talking again. He's oddly animated this evening...

"Watching you sleep, Mello... It made me rather aroused," he admits, unabashed. The thought floats across my mind that this sounds a lot like an early sign of necrophilia, but I decide that I'd probably not fare well if I share this thought. I look for something else to fill the newly existent silence.

"...Oh."

I hasten from the room, not wanting any more awkward silences to arise, and make for the car, already panicking about what I'll do when I return home.

This problem is however shoved to the back of my mind when I reach the hospital, and is replaced by confusion as I enter Matt's little office to find a total stranger behind the desk. We stare at each other for several seconds.

"Um – so who are you?"

The stranger blinks once, and I am oddly reminded of Near; this man's face is just as blank, just as pale; only his hair is black, and deep shadows lie under his dark, round eyes.

"My name is Ryuzaki," he states dully, regarding me with only very minor interest. "Can I help you?"

I pause. "I came to see Matt..."

"Matt? Oh, he's in Ward Seven," Ryuzaki murmurs, turning his attention to the steaming cup of tea on his desk and lapsing into unhelpful silence, having apparently decided I've wasted enough of his time. I nod in gratitude (kind of) and exit the room, wondering why Matt's not where he should be. Did he forget which room was his or something?

After being redirected a couple of times, I eventually reach the place where Matt supposedly is, and survey the ward with interest. For a little while, all I can see are lots of nondescript sick people, and then I notice that one of the poor sods lying down is Matt, in a bed right at the end of the ward.

What...the fuck?

I slowly wander over to his bedside and frown down at the stupid, oddly loveable redhead (at least in sleep), whose right leg is heavily bandaged, and wonder somewhat derisively why he's such a retard.

His eyes flicker open after a couple of moments, and his spazzy face cracks into a huge grin. "Mello!" he exclaims. No shit, Matt!

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I demand, pulling up a chair and sitting down, poking his rather solid leg with my index finger.

"I," he proclaims proudly. "Had a car accident!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey... Oh crap guys, I'm sorry this is taking so long XD But...yeah, I've been really busy with school and all that crap...you understand, right? I love you all. It means a lot that you're patient with me :) Well, this chapter's dedicated to My Chemical Romance again. I was at their concert last night in London, and honestly...best evening of my life. Definitely. They inspired me (somehow) to finish this chapter and post it, so...here it is! ^^'**

Matt continues to look overly proud of himself for a few more moments, until I remember how to speak.

"You colossal _dipshit_!"

He just beams wider. "It wasn't actually my fault! I was just driving along, and then this car just rammed right up my ass, and-" I wince slightly at his inelegant terminology. "And so, I went careering off into the back end of a _big _lorry!"

He sounds absolutely ecstatic about this, I remark with mild despair, watching as he spreads his arms wide in a bid to express just how big this lorry had been. "Didn't that hurt..?" I interject quietly. He nods wildly.

"It sure did! But I haven't actually broken my leg or anything..." He pats the bandaged, stumpy limb happily. "Hell, I don't even know what I've done to it! I think it just got a bit fucked with some bits of glass or something..."

I resist the urge to facepalm with great difficulty, wondering, not for the first time, just how he'd lived so long with a mind so obviously screwed.

"...Anyway, Matt... Why did you want me to come see you? I mean, shouldn't you just sort of...be getting better?"

Matt shrugs. "It's not like I'm going to be exerting massive amounts of energy, I'm only talking to you," he points out simply. "And it's not like I've hurt myself really, really badly... I'm allowed to go home soon!" He grins. "And as for why I wanted to see you... Well, I just wanted to!"

I pause for several seconds. He actually wanted to see me..? I feel so very special!

"You actually wanted to see me?"

He nods fervently. "Yeah! I've really come to like you-" Well, I'm glad about that, after the events of last night... "- so I decided to invite you over. Because you're my friend!" He smiles still further. "I don't have very many friends!"

Neither do I, actually. I suppose it wouldn't physically harm me to be friends with Matt...although that is dubious, thinking about it.

He suddenly seems to remember something, and gawps in a rather fishlike manner for a few seconds, waving an arm at me. Strange man...

"Oh! Oh! Hey! Why didn't you tell me your girlfriend was a dude?"

I can't help but smirk at his convoluted mess of a sentence. "You mean, why didn't I tell you I have a boyfriend, not a girlfriend?"

He pouts. "Yeah. That's what I mean."

I sigh, losing my haughtiness. "I was sort of worried... That you'd be weirded out by me being gay..."

Matt looks shocked. "Dude, I told you a while back that I was bi! Why the fuck would you being gay too scare me?"

I pause and shrug. "I don't actually know..."

Matt shakes his head violently. "There's nothing wrong with being a homosexual, Mello! You shouldn't lie about it!"

I blink slowly. I've never seen him getting so passionate about something before. It's sort of alarming...

"If anything, knowing you're gay makes me happy, because-" He cuts off abruptly, flushing and dropping his gaze.

"Because?" I ask quietly, my heartbeat faltering slightly, for some reason I can't quite determine. I find myself leaning forwards a little, clutching at the frame of his bed. He doesn't reply, suddenly fascinated by a little bobble of fluff on his sheets, picking it at it in silence. "Because what?"

He remains quiet, passing through a few more shades of red before I give up and lean back with a sigh.

A few minutes pass awkwardly before an overly cheery looking nurse appears and fiddles around with some medical crap, babbling incessantly all the while at Matt, who merely grunts a few times in response. It's hard to gather much from her squeaky voice, but once she's gone Matt is kind enough to translate.

"I can go home now..." he mumbles, still avoiding my eyes.

I nod, then frown. "How are you going to get home?" I ask, genuinely a bit worried. He pauses, then pulls a face.

"Aw, shit, I didn't think of that..."

I suppress a smirk and attempt to help him out of his bed. After regarding my hand suspiciously for a few moments he takes it with a grimace and further blushing, and heaves himself slowly to his feet with a little groan. I could almost pity him... Almost, but not quite.

"Hey, if you want, I could drive you home..?" I offer, remaining close to him as he shambles for the exit. He hasn't even bothered to find any shoes... Or any normal clothes... I decide against pointing this out. He looks at me in surprise, his awkwardness falling away. It's almost a relief to have the retard I know and vaguely appreciate back again.

"Could you? That'd be really useful..!"

I smile, and hold onto his arm as he tries to stumble for the stairs. "Whoa. I think we should try the elevator, huh?"

"...Oh, right. Yeah..."

There's nobody else in it when we enter, and as the doors slide closed, I find myself staring at Matt, and his slightly vacant face; and suddenly, the ground is lurching beneath my feet, and I can hear bells ringing out. My stomach jumps weirdly.

What is this? It's like true love, only cliché...

Relief floods my mind a few moments later. It's just the lift going down... Well that was a close one.

Once it hits the ground floor, we make our way to my car, me supporting the rather unsteady redhead awkwardly, wondering vaguely what he's going to do about getting to work, now that his car's been converted into scrap metal.

Matt seems to be having the same thought, his green doll's eyes narrowed a little.

...I just referred to my penal advisor's eyes as "doll eyes". If this ever happens again, I'm going to have to commit some kind of act of self-punishment. Where the fuck did that come from?

"Mello..." he begins quietly. I look to him again with a mixture of dread and interest. "Seeing as my car's sort of...fucked..." He looks mildly upset. "Do you think... Maybe, when I need to see you, you come round my place..?"

That's one of the most absurd and stupid ideas I've ever heard. I like it.

"I mean, just until I can get a new car..."

I frown slightly. "Hey, Matt? You ever heard of car insurance?"

Matt's face practically convulses with disgust. "Car insurance is for pussies. And, as you know, I am not a pussy."

I answer this with no more than a nod; Matt's similarities to a pussy does not interest me as a conversational topic. Although, to be honest, I don't think car insurance and being a pussy are really related... But that could just be me. "Anyway... Er... My car."

Matt stops, ogling my car interestedly. It's not anything particularly special, really... It works, and that's all that interests me. I'm not really a car person.

Well, I suppose the leather seats are quite interesting too, actually... I think I've got a leather fetish. Ah well.

Awkwardly, I help Matt clamber into the passenger seat, and get in myself, the engine purring softly as I start it. I notice, with concern, the almost orgasmic expression on Matt's glazed face, and sigh. Retard.

And so, we proceed to roll on out of the hospital car park, Matt making small contented noises every time the engine revs. I'm not entirely sure if these noises are supposed to be giving me a boner. But they are.

It's not very long before I discover that Matt is about as good at directions as a stick of celery; and to be honest, that's a little bit rude to the celery.

But, after a rather painful half an hour, and several short arguments, we finally arrive in front of a rather nondescript little house with weeds in the garden and paint flaking off the door. Matt removes himself carefully from my car and smiles broadly at it. Somehow, I could almost have anticipated he'd have a place like this.

I help him over to the door with difficulty, and after fishing in his pockets for a moment, he unlocks the door and pushes it wide, revealing possibly one of the dullest hallways I've ever seen. I pretend to be enlightened by what I see, and smile vaguely at him. He returns my tranquil look for a moment.

"It's quite shitty, isn't it?"

I pause, mulling his words over.

"Yeah."


	10. Chapter 10

**Good day, beloved readers :') Are you proud of me for updating twice in relatively quick succession? It doesn't happen very much anymore, does it ^^' Anyway, I hope you like it! Also, if any of y'all are into the Godchild manga by Kaori Yuki, please check out my new fic, Sleepwalking! And if you're not into Godchild, get into it :D You can find it online, and it really is well worth reading :) I'm done advertising now, so go ahead and (hopefully) enjoy chapter ten ^_^**

In an unexpected fit of courtesy, Matt invites me inside, although it could well be just because he can't easily manoeuvre himself right now.

I can't honestly say it's the most welcoming or pleasant house I've ever been in... I regard the dull, peeling wallpaper and crooked pictures with half a smile; they somehow compliment Matt's spontaneous and retarded personality excellently.

He blushed lightly as he notices my critical observation, shuffling slowly further inside and scratching his ear awkwardly. "Heh... I'm sorry it's a bit of a mess..." he mumbles. It's almost cute, for some reason.

I find myself shortly in what I assume is the living room; there's a sofa and a TV, anyway, and a tangled mess of wires, connected presumably to the multiple game systems scattered across the floor. Matt grins fondly at them, and then, to my surprise, at me. "Thanks for getting me home, Mello..."

"Uh... That' s ok," I reply slowly, returning the smile in an almost tentative way. Matt gradually manoeuvres over to the sofa and flumps onto it gracelessly, motioning that I should sit down with him. I perch uncertainly next to him and look expectantly into his oddly innocent face.

"Is there anything I can do for you, since you've gone to all this trouble?"

My, my, he's being very friendly today. He's usually being a sod in some way or other, but right now he's barely being one at all! How wonderful, and yet strange.

The silence hangs for a couple of moments, Matt staring earnestly into my eyes, clearly serious about his question. In fact, I'm just beginning to feel awkward when his eyes suddenly dart down, and his face creases into a little frown. "Mello..?"

I pretend I can't hear him, which is quite a feeble thing to do considering the deafening lack of any other sort of noise.

"Um... Why... You... You've, er, got a boner, Mello..."

Foiled.

I shift uncomfortably, crossing my legs awkwardly in a pathetic attempt to hide said boner from Matt's prying eyes, and attempt to feign innocence.

"I don't have a boner, Matt. Why would I..? I think you must've hit your head when you crashed... There's nothing going in my pants right now."

Matt gives me a stunningly pouty look, emerald eyes narrowing. "But I saw it! Don't pretend, Mello!"

I sigh heavily, uncrossing my legs again. Matt looks distinctly satisfied, and I feel my cheeks tinting a light scarlet.

"I _knew _it! But why now? It's not like I gave you chocolate or anything..."

I shrug, wishing he'd stop probing into the matter. "I don't know... Maybe it's just... Erect with the sheer joy of life..."

Even Matt; dear, stupid, Matt; can see that this is perhaps the worst excuse for sporting a happy cock in existence. He gives me a very, very disbelieving look and shuffles a little closer to me, much to my alarm. He stares down at my prominent crotch and sighs, expression a little perplexed.

"Is it because of... Me, or something..?"

I remain stoically silent, determinedly avoiding looking at Matt, even though I know myself that this is only going to make it more obvious what my answer is.

Matt waits for several more seconds for my answer which is never going to come, then gives up with a huff, and slumps back next to me, looking deep in thought. It's not an expression that suits him very well. I hope he doesn't injure himself.

"You came to me because... You couldn't get it up with Near, didn't you? But you can get up sometimes... When you have chocolate, and when I give you head, and...now, apparently..." He frowns, biting his lip. You can almost see the rusty little cogs turning in his head as he tries to figure it out.

After straining his little mind for a couple more moments, he suddenly gives a little gasp, his fiery head whipping around to stare at me in total wonder, as if I'm made of game cartridges.

"Is it... It's not that you can't get a boner, it's that... You can't get one with Near! But you _can_..." He pauses, clearly struggling to finish his sentence. Poor little retard, he's really over-exerted himself. "You _can_... get it up with me..!"

Suddenly, the final piece of the puzzle seems to click in his mind, and before I can react at all, I find Matt on lap, clutching at my vest with a frenzied expression. "Mello! Are you attracted to me?"

"_No fucking shit!_" I suddenly yell, grabbing him by the flimsy hospital gown that he's effectively stolen from A&E and shaking him a little. Vaguely I wonder where the hell this is coming from, and vaguely I tell myself I should stop talking right now. "_No. Fucking. Shit!_"

Matt pauses, pulling a face like a child frightened of loud noises; mentally, I suppose he is.

"So... You _are_?"

I let go of him with a colossal sigh, barely resisting the urge to punch him in the face. "I am, Matt, yes."

Don't think me a bad person; if I'd known my short speech would cause him to fall off the sofa, I would've helped him. But as it was, I was completely unprepared for it, and so Matt fell onto the floor with a loud thump, staring up at me with a stunned expression.

"That's fucking awesome, Mello! Because I think you're the sexiest thing since sex!"

...Maybe I did just confess my affection for him, but that's going a bit far, isn't it..?

"Well, um... Thank you, Matt..."

He beams, and then we both fall into the inevitable awkward silence, each pondering our new predicament. After a few quiet minutes, Matt raises his head and looks at me in vague confusion.

"But, Mello... Wouldn't Near kill you if he found out about all this..?"

I groan, stretching my arms out before me. "Yes, he certainly would, which is exactly why I intend on him never finding out."

"Aah."

The redhead pauses for another couple of seconds, then decides he wants some more tedious questions answered.

"Mello, aren't you supposed to be attracted to Near? If you're trying to have sex with him, then you really should be!"

"Of course I am!" I snap, answering just a little too quickly. "I couldn't live without Near, I love him!"

...Or do I? The thought suddenly strikes me, like an arrow of ice in my chest. As if to accentuate this, Matt gives me his best shrewd look, although the effect is somewhat ruined by the way he's sprawled on the carpet.

"But...do you?"

I give a low snarl at the back of my throat, my azure eyes suddenly boring into Matt's. "Don't you dare question that! Of course I do, of course-"

He cuts me off, sending me into a seething silence.

"Maybe you're trying to convince yourself you do, but in actual fact, you're not so sure anymore, are you? I think you're uncertain, and your faith in him is wavering, but you're too scared to admit that, even to yourself..."

Fucking...fucker. He's hit the nail on the head. "S-shut up..."

"And now, you're way more into me than him. That's right, isn't it?"

I grit my teeth and attempt a semi-coherent reply from between them. "You're a cocky bastard, but I suppose I have to give you credit where it's due, because you're right."

Matt gives a triumphant smile, which I instantly feel the urge to wipe off his face.

"I never meant to – fall in love with you!" I growl indignantly, immediately regretting my choice of words. So I'm confessing full-scale love, now? Fuck. "It just sort of – happened! I hate you sometimes! You can be such a fucktard!"

"That's not very nice!" Matt squealed, having apparently completely bypassed the more interesting part of my speech. I moan with sheer frustration, throwing an arm dramatically across my face.

Unfortunately, Matt seems to catch the wrong end of the stick.

"That was a rather erotic sound, Mello... Why, coupled with the exciting events of the last few minutes, it's made me rather horny all of a sudden!"

I remove my arm to stare at him in disbelief, but he's in enough of a retarded state not to really notice, even when his next comment causes my mouth to actually fall open in total incredulity.

"Y'know, it'd make me really happy if you'd do me the great pleasure of fucking me."

About three and a quarter seconds pass, and then quite suddenly, some madness possesses me to jump on top of the figure squirming on the floor and lock our lips together.


	11. Chapter 11

**It's been a while... Again ^^' Sorry... But I've had a rather amazingly happy few days and stuff, so I was in the mood to write a real, live lemon! AND the new MCR album comes out tomorrow! I don't know if this chapter's any good, my low self-confidence is telling me I cocked it up :) So, I want you guys to tell me~! Please XD This chapter is dedicated to ChocoAndCigs! I hope it lives up to expectations :D**

I'm honestly not entirely sure what's going on right now. All I know is, I can feel Matt wriggling underneath my body, and he seems to be trying to eat my face. There's no logic in either of these things, of course; Matt's not my boyfriend, he's just the guy who gets me horny.

I decide to throw logic to the wind, drawing my concentration back to the redhead, pulling my lips away from his with a smirk. "You've got less technique than a ball of string, y'know."

Matt whimpers pathetically, seizing my cheeks and trying to yank me back down to kiss him. "But I was enjoying myself! Do it again!"

"I think I'm the seme in this particular situation, bitch!" I crow abruptly, instantly wondering what made me say it; especially in such cocky tones. "So I'll decide what I do and when!"

Matt looks mildly crushed by the firmness of my voice, but nods, his green eyes – so close to mine – glowing faintly. "F-fine."

I nod, pleased. "It is fine. Good boy."

I get the impression I'm having much too much fun with this. But... Never mind. Near doesn't have to know anything, and that's all that matters, right?

How differently I'd been thinking only minutes ago.

Matt accentuates this with a little chuckle. "Mello, Mello... You little slut."

"Shut up." I push our lips back together, pinning him to the floor with one hand on his chest, letting my other hand wander down across his stomach and towards his hips, digits slipping slightly in anticipation. My uke (apparently) groans softly, and I pull away again with a soft chuckle.

"Ok, ok, hold on. If I'm a slut, then you're a pervert. You are _loving _this, aren't you?"

"Yeah, all right..."

With a smirk I touch our faces together once again, lapping softly at his lower lip and pushing my hand slowly further down his body, pulling the fabric up as I go. As I'd hoped, he opens his mouth a little wider, and tentatively I press my tongue towards his. Under my free hand, I feel another groan resonating from deep in his chest, making his entire frame tremble under mine; a whine of my own slithers out and into his mouth. This is definitely much more enjoyable that it should be.

To my surprise, Matt pulls away after a moment, his eyes burning with arousal he clearly can't be bothered to suppress. I open my mouth to question this, but the promiscuous little ginger decides to cut across, expression almost affronted.

"Excuse me, Mello. I thought you were going to fuck me..? Isn't that what I asked for?"

I sigh heavily, my wandering hand coming to a brief stop, more to annoy him than anything else. "Honestly, Matt. Have you never heard of foreplay?"

"Of course I have! I know more about sex than you could even begin to imagine..!"

Silence falls for a moment, and Matt colours one of the most fascinating shades of scarlet I've ever seen. "Just... Get inside me?" he begs quietly, obviously hoping to diffuse the tension he himself created.

I chuckle softly, running the tip of my tongue leisurely along his jaw line, grinding slightly against his general pelvic area. "Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you..?" I murmur, amused, blowing cool air across the area I just licked. Matt throws me an incredulous look.

"Mello, have you looked in a mirror lately? I think most people _would_ like you to make them convulse in throes of sexual ecstasy..."

I have to admire him; for someone who appears to have been brain-neutered at an early age, he can find the most fascinating ways of saying things sometimes. Even if, generally, they're ridiculously vulgar.

I sigh, and tug at his hospital gown with one hand, putting my lips close to his ear. "Get this off..." I request softly, grinning again and nipping at his soft flesh. He quickly obliges, flinging the unnecessary garment to the side, and I sit back across his thighs, giving a little chuckle of approval. A film of red slides across my vision for a moment; I have to admit, he's got a _lovely _body.

"That's what I like to see!" I praise happily, placing my palm over his racing heart and smirking, rising onto my hands and knees, staring mercilessly down at him. I can't help but notice how soft and smooth his porcelain skin is... I like it a lot. I could get used to more of this.

"Dear, dear... Just listen to that frantic thudding... I suppose you really want this, huh."

Matt whimpers, his lips curved in a grin. "I sure do. But I can't help but notice... You're still fully clothed. And I must say, I heartily disapprove!"

I blink, and quickly look down at myself. "Ah, you're right... Well," My rather malicious smirk widens still further. "I'll let you have that honour of undressing me, if you'd like..?"

Matt's returning smile is almost wobbling with delight. "I am so, so glad you asked that."

Before I can react (not that I was going to anyway), his fingers are fiddling impatiently with the zip of my vest, tugging at it in jerky, inelegant movements, his face set in determination. Presently I find the clothing being slid off of my back, joining the growing pile of clothes on the carpet.

Matt's eyes are practically glazed over in wonder as he stares at my chest, his smile vacant and retarded; just like his personality. I lean down to kiss his nose lightly. "There. Well done... Now, if you'd like to get my trousers off, perhaps..?"

"Yeah, I'm up for that," Matt agrees easily. I give a soft huff of laughter, and we both watch as he begins to tug at the lacing over my crotch, picking disdainfully at it. "Why do you have to have such complicated trousers..."

"Persevere..." I encourage, my legs trembling slightly with the anticipation, acutely aware of my cock throbbing like shit beneath Matt's hands. "Go on... You'll get there eventually..."

Preferably he'll get there sooner rather than later. It'd really spoil the mood if I just jizzed all over his hands.

Just like the last time I had a sexual experience with Matt, I just so happen to be without underwear just now. I wait patiently, groaning from time to time, for Matt to find this out. When he does, it's immediately obvious.

"Holy shit!"

I beam, wriggling my hips to help him slide my trousers down my legs, kicking them off as they reach my ankles and spattering congratulatory kisses all across Matt's face and neck. His answering whimper sends a ripple all the way down my spine.

"D'you think you could take your underwear off now, Matt? I'm more than ready to get off already."

He nods quickly, and I decide not to help him as he fidgets awkwardly with the mentioned underwear, thinking instead about what's actually going on.

I'm about to fuck my councillor, which I never expected would happen. Then again, I never expected to even have a councillor, I suppose... Either way.

And then, something that really should've crossed my mind earlier suddenly bobs up in my head.

Although I've been with Near for quite a long time now, we've never done it. And Near was my first love; until recently, my only love. So basically, I've never had sex before. And that's about to change, and not even with the person I expected.

I'm about to lose my virginity to a flirtatious gay redhead with a Nintendo fetish. How very, very unexpected. I'm almost nervous.

My thoughts are interrupted by a cough from Matt, and I look down to see that he is no longer sporting the troublesome undergarments that he had been a minute ago. I smile, happy that he's distracted me from my brooding, and press our lips together again, rubbing my own crotch over his entrance teasingly, gently pushing his legs further apart.

Even in my lusty haze, I hold myself back as best I can, pulling my lips away to stare him seriously in the face, my breath unsteady. "Are you sure... You're ready..?" I breathe, shuddering slightly; his scent is so warm and human, I notice suddenly; it makes it seem stupid that someone should need to smell of chocolate to turn me on.

Matt's eyes are remarkably soft as they fix my own. "I'm sure, Mello..." It would've been so touching and dramatic, but I suppose that was a little too much to hope for. "Because you're hawwwttttt..."

"I love you too," I whisper, and slowly push myself inside him, groaning loudly, my arms trembling violently as I try not to simply collapse on top of him. In the same instant, his hands, either side of his head, ball into tight, ashen fists, and his mouth suddenly opens in a silent yell.

"Oh my – _God_ – M-Matt~!" I moan, trying to ignore his seemingly pained expression; honestly, it's not too difficult right now – I have a lot to distract me. "You're so – holy crap! S-so _warm_..."

Matt's eyes meet mine, shining brightly with what must be tears, his breath coming in ragged, shocked pants. I force myself to return my attention to this fact, and try desperately to force out some coherent words.

"Matt... Are you ok..?"

Matt remains silent for a few seconds more, his pallid lips trembling, eventually gracing me with a sentence which, although I didn't expect it, certainly helped me to relax a little.

"Wellthisisunusual..!"

I have to laugh at this, the sound almost like a growl, surprising myself as much as Matt. Slowly, uncertainly, I push a little more, trying to get the redhead used to more movement. His reaction is to groan, loudly, and taking this as a positive sign I thrust a little deeper, trying to satisfy us both and not cause him extreme agony at the same time.

"W-wow..." Matt murmurs after a few more moments, his voice shaking slightly. "I never expected this... It's – fucking – good, though..."

I smile at his disjointed sentence, nodding myself and rocking my hips again. He flinches, and I move a hand to gently stroke his cheek. "As much as I hate you sometimes... Please, tell me if I hurt you..."

Matt giggles softly. "I think that's probably inevitable, isn't it..? But yes, I understand... I don't mind, though, Mello. Enjoy yourself..."

I smile softly, picking up my rhythm a little and trying not to imagine how bizarre and uncomfortable it must be for Matt. His eyes brim as he continues to grin at me, and I find myself giving him a little mewl of admiration. "Oh, Matty-baby... You're so brave..."

"Not brave," he insists quietly, chuckling lightly. "I know that the second you hit my prostate I'll be practically writhing with elation... So I'm just waiting for that bit..."

We both laugh softly, and I lean down to kiss his cheek, finding myself moving a little faster, eager for this moment to come. "No, you are brave..."

"Pshh, whatever."

I rock into him again, gasping out a little. "F-fuck... You really do feel... So amazing, Matt..."

"Why thank you," comes the unexpectedly genteel reply. I smirk, my concentration wavering enough to let my hips give a sudden, more harsh jerk. We both cry out abruptly.

"Holy fucking _shit_! That was n-niiice..." Matt whines, less politely than his last words. I can't say this bothers me very much, though, as I'm a little preoccupied with thrusting into him violently at this angle he seems to enjoy. I can feel a warm sort of pressure building up below my stomach, and I can feel it getting hotter and hotter with every motion my hips make.

I could really get used to this.

Matt's face is soon mirroring my own blissful smile, and dazedly he whispers to me. "H-hey, Mello... I'ma jizz soon..."

I merely nod in acceptance. "Yeah, me too..." He looks pleased with himself. "Ah, awesome..."

I thrust a few more times, and myself and Matt's moans fall into a strange kind of sexual chorus with each other, and in due course, I reach the limit and spill into Matt with a loud, graceless grunt of exhilaration, my back arching helplessly. Soon, the redhead follows suit, and with interest I regard the newly emerged white fluid splattered across my stomach, grinning.

Cautiously, I remove myself from Matt, and flop down heavily onto the floor beside him, absentmindedly taking his hand in my own. He turns his head feebly to the side to see me, his eyes shining with happiness and something dangerously close to adoration.

"That was fun."


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter was made by Galaxy chocolate and sugar cubes, and for that, I thank them :) **

As one would expect from myself and Matt, the post-sex atmosphere is more awkward than a pensioner at a night club. Is it bad that that was the first comparison to come to my mind?

It hasn't really hit me yet that I've just lost my virginity to Matt. I'm sure at some point, this will hit me, and when it does, it'll make me wish to commit some self-punishing act. But until that time... I'll just sit here, slightly dazed, and put my clothes back on while Matt makes us coffee.

Everyone always makes such a massive deal about sex, don't they..? It's almost as if your entire life is leading up to the moment when you first have it, and it'll be the high point of your entire life when you do.

That seems so strange now. I mean, it just sort of... Happened. I don't feel any different now than I did before, at least not yet. Although, in a different way, it feels just a little bit badass. I'm no longer pure...tee hee.

Matt arrives back with the coffee quickly enough to stop me entering a massive philosophical daydream, which I'm thankful of, and presents me with my mug in silence, his cheeks tinged with fiery red.

I regard him with something like affection for a few moments, and he stares dimly back, flushing yet deeper, before I decide that maybe we should at least attempt conversation.

"So, um... What did you think..?"

I think sex must really do something to the gamer's brain, because he seems to be considering my question for quite a while before I get any reply.

"Well... My butt hurts."

"...Anything else? Did you enjoy yourself?" I probe gently, hoping that maybe he'll take a little more away from the experience than just a sore ass.

"It felt nice."

"..."

I always knew he was retarded, but I thought his vocabulary stretched at least a little further than that. I blink at him slowly, making it obvious I'm not entirely content with his answer.

He shrugs nonchalantly, gulping a little of his coffee absently. "I don't know what to say really. I mean, I wasn't really expecting to get screwed as a welcome home, but... I can't deny that it was quite a lot of fun."

Irritatingly, I feel a smile break across my face at his point, relief flowing warmly through my veins. I still can't believe I'm attracted to this guy, it's so fucking embarrassing. "I'm glad about that."

Matt nods, grinning goofily. "I am, too."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, taking occasional sips of coffee, neither of us really concentrating on it very much. By chance, I glance out of the window, and am quite alarmed by how very dark it is outside. I'd entirely forgotten the time... It had been dark when I left for the hospital too, hadn't it? Shit, it must be getting late.

"Hey, Matt... What's the time..?"

Matt immediately sets his mug down on the coffee table and begins to forage under the sofa, which I decide I'm just going to accept as normal for now. After all... It's Matt. Eventually, my patience is rewarded as he pulls out an old, battered watch, which he looks at for a moment before looking back to me.

"Waaaay past your bedtime, Mello. Maybe you should be getting back soon."

I swear softly, putting down my own mug and scooting a little closer to him, neatly carpet-burning my knees. "Just tell me what the goddamn time is."

"Ah... Sort of... twenty to midnight, thereabouts..."

Could be worse; could also be considerably better.

"Right, I guess I'll be off, then..." I mumble, standing up and picking up my jacket from the armchair, tugging it on quickly and starting for the door. I didn't anticipate Matt would try and follow.

I look down almost pitifully to where he's lying, his arms wrapped urgently around my ankles. "I'm sorry, Matty, but I've got to go now. You said so yourself." I murmur gently, feeling like I'm explaining this to a very small child. A very small child who's a little behind everyone else in his class.

He looks vaguely irritated with himself. "I know. But I don't want you to leave~!"

Contradiction, much?

"We'll see each other again soon, Matt. And you know my number, so if you get lonely, just text me or something..." I trail off pointlessly, leaning down to detach the redhead from my legs gently before heading off down the hallway again.

"Call me!" Matt cries after me, sounding painfully hopeful. I merely grant him an ambiguous smile over my shoulder before stepping out into the night. I quickly come to regret this, shoving my hands instantly into the warm depths of my pockets.

It's fucking freezing. Seriously.

The roads are starting to get icy, and I have to scrape a thin layer of frozen water from my windscreen before I can drive. Looking up at the sky, it's that bizarre colour that shows the clouds are heavy with snow, and quietly I pray it won't start falling until I'm home.

My car smells pleasantly of Matt, much to my surprise and interest, and I find myself breathing in deeply as I begin to drive. Maybe I'm as retarded as the redhead; but I just like the smells of people. It's interesting that everyone has a different scent, in my opinion. Matt's signature fragrance seems to be an evocative mixture of plastic, oranges and smoke.

...Don't judge me, the combination of the three is quite intriguing.

The traffic is becoming non-existent, and so it doesn't take me too long to get back. I lope up the stairs to the apartment, and realise just a little too late that I've forgotten my keys.

I'm stranded outside my own house. That's just lame.

Gritting my teeth with awkwardness, I knock softly on the door, begging that Near hasn't gone to bed. If he has, when he comes outside in the morning to go to work, he's going to find a block of ice with his dead boyfriend inside. Vaguely I wonder if this would evoke any emotion in him at all, and less vaguely I tell myself to stop being so harsh to him.

I have to wait a minute or so, but eventually I hear the lock sliding on the other side of the door and give a little whine of relief. Thank fuck for that!

However, it seems that my keys were not the only things I forgot about.

I also forgot that Near had been horny when I went out, and that had been several hours ago. It seems that my accidental denial has leaded him to get himself into a very kinky state indeed. The door opens to reveal my smaller companion clad only in briefs and, rather unexpectedly, a collar.

Where the fuck did he even get that from?

I stare blankly at him for several seconds, wondering how on God's earth I'm supposed to react to this.

"Near..?"

"Mello..." he purrs back. He's trying to turn me on, I'm scared...

"I was starting to think you weren't coming back."

I shouldn't be panicking about this at all, but the fact of the matter is, I am. My hands move slowly and vacantly around the beads of my rosary, toying absently with the cross as I pray I'm given some kind of solution to this.

Because I quite simply can't have sex with him. Firstly and foremost because I probably won't even be able to get the boner I require, and secondly because I'm not a cheat; I won't sink that low.

...Will I?

_What the fuck am I going to fucking do?_

Near's eyes hold mine determinedly, and for obvious reasons I can't look away. That'd make it just a little too obvious that I don't wanna screw him, or that I've got something to hide... And then there'd be endless questions. Then again, I think there's going to be anyway; as long as I refuse to fuck him, he's gonna want to know why.

"So, Mello... What do you think..? Time for some fun...?"

I pause, and a gust of cruel wind reminds me none too politely that I'm still standing outside. "...Let's discuss this inside."

Keep 'em talking. That's what they always say.

Near seems to take this slightly the wrong way though, sauntering further inside with a smirk. "Well, I wasn't suggesting you coupled with me out there in the freezing winter night, Mello. I wouldn't want you to lose your erection in the cold or something awful like that."

...What erection?

"...Well no, of course not..." I mutter, sliding awkwardly inside and closing the door slowly behind me, heartbeat increasing uncomfortably as I start to really freak out. I need a fucking excuse, _right now!_


	13. Chapter 13

**First and foremost~! Today, dear children, is Touta Matsuda's thirty-second birthday ! This is part of the reason why I'm posting so quickly; I like posting things on birthdays, it feels nice. Obviously, it was Mello's birthday yesterday, so it would've been a lot more sensible to post yesterday, but... Honestly, I was barely conscious after school yesterday XD So anyway, here it is; Chapter 13 is dedicated to Mello, Matsuda, and...hmm... DiabolicaJeevas. Yeah. XD**

I'd love to say that I considered carefully all my options, and their advantages and disadvantages, before I made a decision on what to do with my horny little Near. But, unfortunately, that'd be a frightful lie.

Truth is, I just decide, on the spot, that maybe I _will _fuck Near too tonight. So I've just come back from losing my virginity to someone else; he doesn't have to know that, does he?

Clearly, something's wandered inside my head, screwed up everything inside, and left again.

A smirk slinks onto my face, and slowly I extend a hand towards the white haired man. "Come on, then..." I purr softly, allowing my seductive tones to creep unhindered into my voice. "What's the harm, after all..?"

I thought I was gonna be regretful shortly after fucking Matt; now, here I am fucking Near in the same night. I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'm going to feel like Lucifer himself.

Near's face, to my sheer amazement, lights up with shock and delight, and he takes my hand in an instant, his fragile body magnetising excitedly towards my own. "Do you mean it?" he whispers, sounding almost tentative.

"I sure as fuck do."

"Excellent."

I bark a laugh at his short, rather detached sounding reply, tugging him rather impatiently all of a sudden to reach the bedroom. As I run, I can feel his fingers scrabbling excitably at my waistband, and I skid to a halt, flicking him lightly on the nose, not letting go of his hand. "Hey, you horny bastard..!"

He actually smiles. By fucking Hersheys, how unexpected!

"I can't help it, Mello. You're finally giving me what I've wanted for such a long time..! It's quite exciting."

Well, hopefully I'm going to give him what he's wanted for such a long time. I'm sort of crossing my fingers that my cock's going to behave for me.

We enter the bedroom in a flurry of excitable, warm bodies, and I deposit myself quickly onto the bed, grinning rather demonically up at him, releasing his hand and pushing him quite hard towards the bathroom door, at the far end of the room.

"Go on then, my favourite squeeze. Go prepare yourself for a ravishing."

It's just like Near to pick up on even the smallest error in my speech. He cocks his head to the side a little and stares at me.

"Your _favourite _squeeze, Mello? I'd very much hope that I'm your _only _squeeze..."

"Oh, you are," I answer quickly, giving an assured nod as I lie back, linking my hands behind my head for a moment. "You're the only squeeze for me..."

I've never been a good liar, but luckily Near doesn't seem to notice the hurried tone of my voice, or the way I avert my eyes upwards as I say it.

"...Well, that is certainly a relief."

I nod again, gazing at the swirly, obscure patterns marring the ceiling and wriggling my hips suggestively. "Now, go on and get ready. Brush your teeth and all that... Like in movies."

Near disappears, and as soon as I hear the bolt sliding across, I begin to unclothe myself, peeling off my tight leather and depositing it untidily in the corner. Having already done this once today, it doesn't take long; regular practise does wonders for speed.

...I bet that applies to sex, too... But, moving swiftly on!

Slowly I manoeuvre under the sheets, pulling them up so they just cover my crotch as I sit waiting. Inevitably, my mind begins to wander.

At long last, it floats across my thoughts that this is totally, utterly, without exception _wrong_. I'm not a slut; I don't want to be a slut; by going ahead with this, I'm being unfaithful to both Matt and Near. It's showing that I've got no respect for either of them, and that I am only in either relationship for the orgasmic fun that's to be had between the sheets.

..._Either relationship? _I'm not in a relationship with Matt..! Although... Does random sex count as a kind of relationship, if you're already in a relationship with someone else..? Hmm... No, that's an affair. Is it..? Damn, I think I'm entering some kind of pre-sex panic. Odd really, seeing as I didn't panic even slightly when I screwed Matt.

Trying to leave the immorality of the situation behind me, I move my train of thought on to less degrading things (sort of). I wonder what Near's going to be...like? He doesn't strike me as the type to scream for it at the top of his lungs, but neither does he strike me as the type who just lies there completely static right up until they jizz. I suppose he might be somewhere in the middle.

And then, do I actually truly want this? Or am I just hungry for more after the pleasure party I had with Matt?

I really wish I knew.

I spend a few more minutes wondering dazedly about - everything, before I suddenly realise something else, of much, much greater consequence.

I'm craving chocolate.

And I think we all know what that means.

Screw _everything _else going on. I am off to fucking find me some confectionary.

Not bothered at all by my nakedness – well, it's my own home, I think I'm allowed to be in the nip if I so wish – I head off with great haste towards the fridge, hoping we've got something satisfyingly chocolaty lying around. It's actually been a very long time, for me at least, since I last touched the stuff. And now, at last, I'm starting to feel it. It's like my own special sort of heroin; and right now, I need my fix.

Luckily for me, there's a bar of dark Ecuadorian chocolate fit for a king just waiting on the top shelf, and seeing it, I smile broadly, feeling a ripple of relief pass through my body. I have what I need. All is well.

I cradle the chocolate carefully to my chest as I shut the fridge, looking around for just a moment to double check I haven't missed anything even more attractive, like Matt made of chocolate or anything –

I totally didn't just say that.

Anyway, once I've checked that I've definitely got the best chocolate in the house, I start towards the bedroom again, happy that my chocolate urges are going to be under control again soon.

However, an interruption to my bliss comes in the form of a loud bang, squeal and finally a thump from the bedroom, followed by lengthy silence. I pause, understandably rather suspicious, wondering what the fuck the whole kerfuffle had been about.

Has someone climbed through the window and murdered Near? Maybe they have.

That'd be sort of lame.

It takes a short while to pump up my courage, but eventually, I decide, boldly, that I should probably go and take a look, just in case somebody actually has killed my boyfriend.

I peer around the door nervously, and shortly find myself in peals of hysterical laughter as I spy Near.

He's in one of the least elegant positions I've ever seen; curled on his side, holding his crotch in apparent agony, his feet all balled up behind him. The boy genius is curled on the floor in terrible pain, because the boy genius has seemingly hurt his knob somehow.

Cruel though it is, it's so fucking funny I've got to crack up about it. His eyes open at my yelps of amusement and he fixes me with his wide orbs reproachfully. "Why are you laughing..? Mello..!"

I make my way over to the bed dizzily, collapsing onto it and clutching my stomach as I gradually laugh my guts out. "C-can't – b-breathe – ah, fucking hell, Near~!"

It takes a long time for my hysterics to calm, by which stage there are tears of mirth streaming from both my eyes, but eventually I'm coherent enough to actually ask Near what he did.

It turns out that he'd expected me to be there when he reappeared from the bathroom, leant sexily against the headboard and awaiting his return impatiently, and so, he'd thrown himself into what he'd expected to be my waiting arms. But, me having been on my chocolate excursions, it had turned out to be the headboard.

Following this miscalculation, his head bounced off the headboard, and he fell off the bed, whacking his man vegetables rather hard on the side of the bed as he did so.

And so I'd come to find him holding his balls on the bedroom floor.

I never thought I'd see the day.

Needless to say, he insists after this that I put my clothes back on, no longer feeling in any fit state to lose his virginity. I change into my pyjamas willingly, seeing as it's now getting on towards half midnight, and go to demolish my chocolate in front of the TV, watching the news for a zoned-out few minutes before I finally retire to the safety of my bed.

Unexpectedly, I find myself thinking before I doze off; that never usually happens. Sleepily, I evaluate my day, and smile as I realise that all in all it's been pretty amazing. I lost my virginity to a sexy redhead with a retard complex, and managed to avoid getting inside Near. Luckily, I'm unconscious before I can feel the guilt or even fully comprehend my thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

**Good day to you all ! I'm hoping there is someone reading this, otherwise I'm going to feel so silly... XD Anyway ! Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and all that magic. I know I did, I got money and everything ! So I'm going to blow the vast majority of it as soon as I can on a lovely, lovely wig :) This chapter was fuelled by British comedy (can't beat it) and my darlings Blood On The Dancefloor and Jeffree Star. Bye now ! :D**

It occurs to me on the way to my next meeting with Matt that this is actually going to be extremely awkward, seeing as both of us now know that I don't have any trouble with my penis at all, I just don't like Near being on the receiving end of it.

Upon my arrival, I find the redhead deeply engrossed in a game, stabbing the screen of his DS with violence I find genuinely unnerving. I wonder, quite sensibly, whether disturbing him right now is a very good idea.

"Uh, Matt..?"

His brow creases with the strain of multitasking as he slowly raises one trembling hand, his index finger sticking up with difficulty as an indication that I should wait a moment. "Give me just a minute, Mello..." he mumbles. "Please, sit down..."

I oblige, seating myself opposite him with a disgruntled expression. He's got nerve. If I didn't feel a kind of attachment to him following our amorous deeds of the last couple of weeks, I'd have punched him by now.

He continues to ignore me for a few more minutes, occasionally grunting or snapping his teeth in what I presume to be frustration, and I slowly grow more and more impatient and irritable as I watch. I want him to pay some attention to me, dammit..!

Eventually I reach forwards and snatch the DS out of his hands, watching with a cruel kind of satisfaction as his face falls in total shock at my offence.

"What did you do that for..? I was so fucking close to killing that bastard octopus thing! What's your problem?"

My eyes narrow as I deposit the DS less than carefully on the floor, and I can almost smell Matt's fear as he watches my face darken. I decide against questioning the bastard octopus.

"You're my problem at this exact moment! You get paid to talk to me about my cock when I come to you, not to ignore me while you fail at video games!"

Matt returns the frown at this point, probably because of my jibe about him being a bad gamer more than anything else, rebelliously lighting a cigarette. "Well, there's not even anything to talk about anymore, is there? I can't help you; your problem is that Near doesn't get you horny, not that your cock doesn't work!"

I bite back further insults, because most unfortunately, the retard is right for once. I struggle quietly for what to say next, and Matt glances worriedly over the desk, clearly hoping I'm going to give him his game back. No such fucking luck!

"Well, can't we just... Talk about something else, then..?" I finally sigh, my tone slightly exasperated. I hate it when people out-think me when I'm angry already. Matt, luckily, seems to have already forgiven my unkind outburst.

"All right, Mello. Let's talk about us."

I raise my head a little to look him in the emerald eyes; that wasn't quite what I was expecting.

"About us..? What do you want to say..?"

Matt's eyes seem almost to soften a little as he regards me, cocking his head a little to the side. "What're you gonna do, Mello?"

Ambiguous though the question was, I know exactly what he's on about, and sigh heavily, shaking my head as I lean back in my chair and pinch the bridge of my nose. I don't know why, it's just what people do.

"I don't know, Matt."

Matt nods seriously, and for one optimistic moment it seems that he actually understands and sympathises with me. But I suppose that's too much to ask for.

"Because, I don't even know Near that well, but hell, if he finds out about us, there's one big fan load of noxious shit heading your way-"

"Sod _off_, Matt..!" I implore, burying my face in my hands as I try to think of a solution to this. "Unless you actually have a good, sensible idea that I'm going to want to hear! But the chances of that are about equal to those of my mother rising from the dead and becoming a table dancer in New York."

Matt ignores my insult, staring vacantly over my head for a few moments before gracing me with an actual look again. Foolishly, my hopes rise for a second.

"You could just...dump him."

"No I fucking couldn't!" I throw back instantly, starting forwards in my chair, indignant. "Do you have any idea what would happen then? I'd be subjected to the fucking biggest interrogation in the history of mankind!"

"You don't love him anymore," Matt states bluntly, facing my anger with an impressive lack of fear, although this could just be because he's extremely stupid.

"That's not for you to say," I snarl, privately wondering whether my words are true or just instinctually defensive of myself. Matt sighs softly, leaning forwards and placing his elbows on the desk, staring earnestly into my eyes.

"Mello... I don't think, if you really still loved Near... That you would've slept with me quite so easily, huh? And the fact that you can't even find the will to have sex with him, but you can with me..."

"Who says I don't have the cocking _will_?" I shriek. "Of course I have the will, I just don't have the erection!"

Matt's hands unexpectedly shoot out to catch hold of mine, gently stroking the backs of my trembling fists in a feeble, if rather tender effort to calm me.

"Mello, shut up and listen to yourself..! You don't have to lie... We both know that you'd rather date me, don't we?"

He could at least sound slightly more apprehensive about it. Regardless, I nod, biting my lip. How the hell could I have let myself fall for this... _Prize twat?_

"So what the hell do you want me to do?" I ask softly, having to fight to keep my voice sane. Can you blame me? I'm discussing dumping my lover with my new lover, who appears to be the infuriating victim of some sort of illegal experimentation.

"Well... Either you just go home and tell him straight that you want to end it..." Matt bites his lip, averting his eyes. "Although I don't think you should mention that you want to leave him for _me_..."

No shit, really?

"Or..." The ability to construct coherent sentences doesn't seem to be one the redhead possesses. "You could be a coward. We could carry on this thoroughly immoral relationship we have at the moment, where you act all charm and smiles with him and secretly fuck me whenever you get the chance and feel the need."

I pause, mulling over each idea carefully. Of course, taking into account the seriousness of the situation, I certainly wouldn't want to pick the wrong one, or simply go with stupid instinct. No, this decision must be intelligent, dignified, and moral.

"I vote option two, because it sounds less frightening."

"Excellent!" Matt cries, relinquishing his grip on my hands and beaming, stretching in his chair. "It's a lot easier I guess..."

"It's horrible..." I mumble, clawing guiltily at my face as I think about it. "What the fuck am I thinking? I shouldn't two-time like this..."

"It doesn't have to be a permanent solution," Matt points out brightly. "If at some stage you think he should know what's actually happening, by all means tell him."

Pfft, the wanker knows that that's not going to happen any time soon. I'm fucking scared of the little albino waiting for me at home, even if he did recently disable his balls on the bed frame, and is considerably smaller than me. I've never actually seen him angry, but I bet he's like a force of nature when he is. And I think that maybe, just maybe, finding out his only friend in the world is cheating on him _might _put him in a little bit of a pissy mood.

Matt smiles cheekily at my answering pout, propelling himself abruptly out of his chair and onto the floor, scrabbling for a moment near my feet before retrieving his DS with a winning smile, clearly rather proud of himself. I can't help but laugh.

"You're such a sod..." I chastise pathetically, earning myself a cheery wink.

"I sure am, Mello!"

It's quite good that he isn't easily offended, actually. I suppose it'll be beneficial if he is going to be my lover, as whenever I get angry I can simply take it out on him! I could almost look forward to this, if I didn't feel so wretched about Near. I think I'm really the sod in this equation, to be honest.

Well, can't be helped.


	15. Chapter 15

**So. It's ah... It's been quite a long time, hmm? Sorry about that, I've been doing craploads of things... I feel really bad for leaving this fic alone for such a long time~! I'll try not to leave it so long again... Yeah, sorry. XD I'm also sorry if this chapter sounds a little like it was written by someone with their head totally in the clouds. I tried to stay with it, but the fact of the matter is, I spoke to the hot Japanese boy I like a lot for the first time ever about half an hour ago, and I'm in one fuck of a happy daze. XD Anyway! I hope you enjoy it, I did try :D I also tried Matt POV, as you'll see, which was probably one of the worst ideas I've ever had XD Please tell me, if necessary, never to do it again~!**

"He's so amazing, Misa. But sometimes I wonder if he even knows I'm alive..."

My icy sister answers me with little more than a disapproving "tsk", playing irritably with her hair and staring distractedly at the screen while I determinedly thrash things. She's never liked me much, but since I brought Mello up she's disliked me even more. Wonder why...

"Matt, I think Mello probably knows you're alive." she stated bluntly, sighing in the stupid, up-herself way that always started our fights back home, in the good old days. How times have changed, though; I'm pretty sure she'd floor me in seconds now. I'm not quite the athletic boy I used to be, back then when I played somewhere other than in front of dancing pixels.

I grant her a quick sideways look, dubious of her answer. "Oh aye?"

She's going to slap me soon, I can tell. "Matt, you just told me that he fucked you, in a reasonably grotesque amount of detail. He probably knows you exist..."

"...Well, possibly. But... He's so dreamy, and strong, and sexy... And he's really got ways, y'know-"

Misa cuts me off rapidly, looking slightly sickened at the mere thought of me doing bad things with another dude. What a pussy she is, I mean seriously.

"Matt, I don't wanna know~! And besides... If anyone should be fangirling over a guy here, it should really be me. Will you just cut it out...?"

I fall silent, hurt, and concentrate for a few moments on killing a rather large and aggressive object hurtling towards me. Content with how my gaming battle is going, I attempt to multitask again.

"Hey, who's pulled your pisser, sis? Don't you like it that your brother's bi?"

I catch her pouting violently out of the corner of my eye. Bloody prissy princess. Maybe it was the "pisser" comment that did it... She's so freaking tetchy. This is part of why I can't stick girls, in any sense. They're all just so goddamn aggressive!

"That's just fine! Just don't keep going on like some stupid schoolgirl, you're driving me crazy..." I remark, privately, on how this is funny because she actually _is _a stupid schoolgirl, and I'm not. I kind of want to share the joke with her, too, but something tells me that maybe I shouldn't.

I don't even really know just what made me invite her over, she's not exactly good company; and if I hadn't brought up my new pet love bucket, she would've gone into some colossal monologue about nail polish and mascara and singers and glitter and all sorts of girly shit for hours on end – again. I honestly don't understand how she finds so goddamn much to say about it.

"Well, so~rry..." I murmur in a sarcastic, sing-song sort of way, deciding that perhaps I'll just piss her off a bit more, get my fill of mischief. I can't exactly do it to Mello, he might gut me. Even if we are kind of friends now... Well, I say friends... Horny lovers.

Lovers.

I've never had a lover before. It's the strangest feeling. Sometimes when I think about Mello, I get this strange feeling... Like, I dunno... Moths or something, in my stomach. Weird.

Hunh. Maybe Misa would know something more about it. She does get around a fair bit, after all, little tart. I suppose it's worth a go. She's certainly gonna know more about it than I do right now... Then again, I'd imagine the Pope knows more about sadomasochistic bondage activities than I know about love. I'm totally naive and clueless, I'll be first to admit that.

"Misa?"

She looks at me in a way very similar to the way I'd imagine someone looks at a large, talking ball of dirt. It's so good to feel loved by your own sister, hm? "What the hell now?"

I pause for a moment, wondering if she's going to laugh at me. I decide shortly that this is almost inevitable. Ah, well... I might as well go with the 'just do it' approach... She thinks I'm a complete joke anyway... In a way, that's a comfort to me. You wouldn't believe the peace of mind I have, knowing that things are already as bad as they're ever gonna get between us.

"...Misa, what does love feel like?"

To my surprise, my question isn't instantly answered with uncontrollable giggles. She looks, if anything, a little confused. Well, that's a first.

"It's... Well, when I love someone... It feels like... I want to see them loads, and I want to make them smile, and be happy... I usually wanna do kinky things with them, too, but... It's sort of hard to explain..." She cocks her head a little, looking at me in a kind of curious way. "Matt, why're you asking?"

I blink. I'll happily admit that I'm not the sharpest tool in the box, but shouldn't it be quite obvious why I'm asking right now? Maybe not to her...

I toy awkwardly with my own fingers, tugging absently at the little ragged bits of skin on my thumb, like I always used to do when there was something on my mind. "...And... Do you feel like... All fluttery, inside?" I can't help but go a little pink at this point.

Misa frowns a little, curling her legs up onto the sofa next to her and picking randomly at some fluff between the toes of her lurid tights. They hurt your eyes if you look at them for too long... Perhaps that's how she ensnares men. By blinding them with her leg wear before she lures the dazed victims back home... I'm wandering from the point.

"...Kind of, yeah... But why?"

I pause. It's odd, I'd really like someone to know how I feel right now, just to let out some of the swelling warmth in my chest; but at the same time, it's like my special little secret.

But secrets are created to be spread.

"...I think I'm in love with Mello."

The silence that follows is pretty damn loud, but I guess silence is better than Misa instantly causing uproar. It hangs for a while without either of us passing comment.

"...Well. I suppose... If that's how you feel... Good for you, I...guess..." She trails off slowly, looking kind of uncertain about the whole idea. Still, even that messy sentence was quite a nice, peaceful surprise.

"You mean it...? That's such a relief... I'm glad you don't mind that much... I just... He's really hot, and I wanna get him up my ass again and again-" – she winces a little – "-but, there's other stuff there too... Like, I feel all funny and I want to hang out with him and stuff... I just wondered..."

Then, to my total shock, she smiles a little. "Oh, you really are silly, Matt... You needed me to tell you what being in love feels like, so that you can decide yourself whether you are or not? Silly boy~!" I try not to be offended, at least for now. "If you feel like you are, perhaps you are."

"I think I am."

"Are you gonna tell him that?"

"But it's awkward... He's got a boyfriend already, you see..."

Misa frowns a little. "That's sort of wrong... There should only be two of you in a relationship at once!"

"I know!" I squeal indignantly. "We're gonna sort it out at some point... But... I do kind of feel like maybe I'd like him to know..." I bite my lip a little. "But... I don't know if he feels the same way at all... And I'd hate to confess everything and for him to just not care..."

Misa looks almost sympathetic. It's _really_ weird, but quite nice, to actually have her kind of on my side for once.

"Oh, but... Matt, if you don't tell people how you feel, then they'll never know."

That was blindingly obvious, I guess, but also much, much deeper than I thought my sister was even capable of. Wow. Every slut has a silver lining, I suppose, deep down.

"...Yeah, you're right. Thanks... Maybe I will tell him soon, then... Yeah." A small bubble of determination suddenly pops up in my head. Yeah, I think I will tell him. Then, maybe, if we're in this 'love' thing, we can have more awesome sex!

"Go get 'em, tiger."


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi everyone~! Once again, I'm sorry for the slow update... I need to get my act together, huh? XD Well, this chapter is dedicated to the hot Japanese boy I believe I mentioned in the AN last chapter... It was his birthday yesterday... I could go off into a monologue about it all, but you'd probably hate me, so :) Also! If anyone who may be reading this likes Kingdom Hearts, I just starting writing a fic for it, and I'd be really happy if you could tell me whatcha think of it ^^ But, um, anyway... Yeah, I'm done rambling now, so go ahead and read this~! I hope you laiiiik :D **

Boner.

Boner.

...Boner.

I can't help but feel that, after all the trouble getting one at all has caused me, I should be slightly happier about it. But the fact of the matter is, getting hard inside tight leather trousers is not very much fun at all. Especially when there's nobody around to help get rid of it for me... I mean, wanking's cool, but it's sort of boring... At least in comparison to screwing Matt, or –

Ah, thinking about that's not going to help me at all right now.

And Near's at work... Although, in all honesty, I'm still trying to put off any sexual acts with him as much as I can; the thought of having two smex-buddies at once makes my moral compass itch.

Sigh.

Don't get me wrong, working is definitely not for me, but just occasionally I gotta admit that having a job might just be vaguely interesting, just as something to do. I hate just sitting here on the sofa all day with a spontaneous hard-on that feels like it's made of fucking concrete.

Resigned to the fact that it's just going to be another one of those boring days, I sigh and roll off the sofa, deciding not to bother standing up, instead crawling over to find some sort of DVD to watch. When boredom strikes, kill your brain cells with some poorly scripted piece of crap, it never fails.

And hey, let's face it, few things are going to kill your brain cells more than Human Centipede. Sick though it is, the absurdity of the concept makes it more laughable than a drunken Matt.

...I wish I'd stop relating things to him. But seriously, he is pretty funny when drunk... To be fair, I guess I am, too. But seriously, when he's drunk, he does take retardedness to a new level. Maybe I should get him drunk again... I mean, there are pretty large upsides to that. But I'm not going to go into them just now, because otherwise I fear I might just _have _to go and jerk off.

Ahem.

So, anyway, I sit down rather heavily in front of the twisted horror film I've picked out for myself and quickly fall into a state of torpor. At least it solves my boner problem, I suppose; the pure sickness of everything going on is one thing, but the clichés coming thick and fast even in the very first scene have a pretty good effect on it too. I'm too busy laughing to even be horny. Wow. I should do this more often.

Seriously, though. The main characters are like two female Matts. "OH NOEZ! Our car broke down in a dark forest, I suppose we should just go into a total stranger's house in the middle of the night, I mean we are in a horror film!". I wish I could say I'm exaggerating, but I'm kind of...not. I'm also relating things to my favourite redheaded genetic throwback. _Again_. Fucking hell, I'm not usually the type to get obsessed.

Well, whatever.

This film is so horrendously predictable. Seriously, whoever the sick fuck was who thought it up, they should be ashamed. I mean, the original idea is – well, original, and that's a good thing. But then they just kind of... Failed. In every other way they could fail. The acting's abysmal, for one thing. But I guess, if you watch it pretending that it's supposed to be funny, it's much more entertaining.

At least it's wasting my time. Although after a while, it's started getting so predictable that I'm actually bored again. I watch the flickering images on the screen dreamily, not taking much of it in anymore; what would I even gain if I did?

I'm not usually the type to just sleep to pass the time, but today is so dull I may actually have to make an exception. With a loud sigh, I turn away from the screen and curl up into a tight ball on the couch, lazily pulling the screwed up blanket we randomly have over me and shutting my eyes. Maybe when I wake up, something interesting will happen and save me from total brain death! That would be really nice.

When I'm woken again, it is by a rather insistent knocking on the front door, which I at first attempt to ignore. So far, I have really rather enjoyed this nap, I'd quite like it to continue just a little longer. My gaze darts over briefly to the screen, where the end credits are rolling dully, the hundreds of names passing quietly by, probably knowing full-well that nobody will ever pay any real attention to them.

When a second rally of knocks begins, I finally relent, throwing myself less than delicately from the couch and struggling to my feet, the blanket still wrapped around me like a shawl. Maybe that'll make whoever the fuck it is think twice, make them feel guilty. _I was sleeping! _How very rude they are.

The front door provides more of an obstacle for me than I had anticipated; my hands are still pretty numb from sleep, and as I fumble awkwardly with the many locks and chains, I quietly curse Near's paranoia of burglary. We live in a reasonably safe area, we don't need all this shit. It's making me angry. And anyway, I don't think most burglars waltz in through the front door. They break windows and are badass little motherfuckers.

Eventually, I succeed in opening the bloody thing, and am greeted by a slightly surprising, but not altogether unwelcome sight. I'll give you three guesses who it is. Although to be honest, if you don't get it in one or two shots, you're probably an insect or something else with questionable intelligence.

Matt's winning, goofy grin shines like some kind of retarded star as our eyes meet, and before I can defend myself, he sweeps me into a crushing hug, in a way that seems ridiculously affectionate for him. I wonder if he's feeling okay?

"Mello!" he cries in what sounds like honest delight. "Hello!"

I pause for a moment before attempting to reply, not even entirely sure how I _should _reply. "...How did you get here..? I thought your car got fucked up?"

He finally lets me go, still beaming like... Something happy. Something really fucking happy. "I caught the bus! I don't like buses, they smell of piss... But I wanted to come see you!"

Even if he does have all the intellectual capacity of a wheelbarrow, I still have to admire and enjoy his bluntness about...Everything.

"Ah... That's nice... Any particular reason, or just a random visit...?"

His face falls noticeably, and for a moment I'm almost worried. He shuffles forward a little awkwardly, blushing in an oddly cute way. "Let's talk about it inside, 'kay? Is Near home..?"

I shake my head, mystified by the redhead's sudden change in mood. I've never seen him looking so serious before... It's not an expression particularly suited to him, if I'm honest. "Nope, he's working... Come on through..."

I shut the door behind him, and in silence we proceed to the living room. The DVD has gone back to the main menu now, and I quickly switch it off as Matt plonks himself down heavily on the sofa. Somehow, I don't think having freakish things on TV are going to ease any of his apparent nerves. Are they nerves? He seems really awkward suddenly, it's... I don't like it; it's making me nervous too.

I sit down lightly beside him, perching a little more elegantly on the edge of the couch, regarding him quietly, hoping he's going to initiate whatever conversation he plans for us to have.

He looks like he's having quite some difficulty with salivating his mouth enough to speak at all. _What the fuck is he so het up about?_

"Mello..."

_Finally!_

"I – um – well, I...ah, shit... I just, uh... There's something I s-should say..."

I blink slowly, uncomfortably aware of my heart, fluttering unevenly against my ribs; his fear – is that what it is? – is almost tangible. And when he lightly takes one of my hands into his own trembling pair, I know I should definitely be freaking out.

"I know it's...probably really st-stupid... And I don't r-really expect you to...f-feel the same, but I...Ah, fucking hell... Mello I – I think... I love you."


	17. Chapter 17

**Ohaider :3 I wrote this chapter while at my grandparent's house, and although I have no idea why, I feel you, dear reader, should know this! Mindless Self Indulgence and beautiful, beautiful yaoi roleplay made this chapter, and so I thank them both for that ^^; And now, apparently, I have to go and help my old people with some gardening, so uh... Yeah XD Read this and tell me what y'all think~! Please. XD Reviews make me happy... –hands cookie hopefully–**

...It'd be so touching – _so _touching – if it hadn't already been established a while ago.

But I'm not really sure how I should go about breaking this particular news to him, so instead I just make odd shapes with my mouth for a few seconds while I wait for a good reply to load in my brain. I think some of his retardedness must be rubbing off on me, dammit.

Eventually, I realise that there actually isn't any easy way of saying it, and so I just come out with the blunt fact, softening it a little around the edges as best I can, which sadly isn't very well at all, staring into those fantastic, simple, adorable green eyes.

"I, uh – Matt, that's sweet, that's cute, but, uh... I already know..."

His face falls for a moment, and I find myself pounded by horrific guilt; why am I such a git? Luckily I don't have to ponder this too long, because Matt's already interrupting, eager to make whatever point he's got.

"N-no, no, listen... I know it's probably a bit...obvious... I mean, I think I've said it once or twice, and I did suck you off... And let you fuck me..." Ah, memories. "...And all that... And you said – just before you fucked me, you said... That you loved me..."

I did..? Don't remember that at all! I must be a very bad person. I let him press on, hoping he won't notice my slightly confused expression.

"I know all that, but, um... Like... I dunno if any of it was that serious... So, I thought I'd, um... Come say it again, b-because... I sort of... Love you... A lot..."

...Well, now I really don't know what to say. I don't think crying out to sweet Jesus for an absolution really constitutes a good reply...

The silence is awkward, and I do not like it at all. I have to break it, soon, and if I don't think of a way to do it, something's just going to come out without any forethought at all. And that'd be bad. Like a bad thing.

"...Well, I fucking... I... Guess... If it comes right down to it... I... Kinda like you, too... I mean – y-yeah, I... Sorta love you. Too."

...Oh _fuck_, it happened!

And, loathsome though he is in so, so many ways, the redhead's answering smile is one of the most heart-warming things I've possibly ever seen. But... Did I mean it? Do I...actually love him? I mean... I don't really love Near anymore, I'm pretty sure about that... But... Hmmm.

"...Nhhhass'mazinc... Mmwhaa-w."

...Ah, dearie me. Matt appears to have scrambled his words up a bit in his excitement! Can't be helped, I suppose. I give him a moment to try and regain his composure. Not that he's ever particularly composed, I guess, but still.

After a moment, he thankfully sorts himself out (at least a small amount) and tries again. Bless.

"A-are you serious?"

Oh, for fuck's sake! Of all the things he could've asked... _I don't sodding know, Matt!_

Luckily for me, he seems to go off in a daze again before I can find a way to respond, looking very much like I just made his life complete. Maybe I did... I mean, to my knowledge, it's not exactly like there's much in his life... Apart from screwing me. Oh dear.

...But I should think about other things than sex right now, I think. I need to figure out if I meant what I just said to him. Seriously, this requires some proper thought.

Hmm. Well, I could always weigh up the advantages and disadvantages, and decide based on that whether or not it's rational to love him... I'm a soulless bastard, aren't I?

Well, whatever. Advantages are, I can actually have sex with Matt, and with Near this doesn't seem to be possible. So that makes Matt the more physically gratifying of the two. Also, Matt seems to actually have some emotions, making him slightly easier to speak to. And, even if he is rather under-furnished in the head, that only makes for more awesome, amusing conversation, if I'm really honest with myself... Are those the only upsides...? It's too obscure, I can't think properly.

Right, disadvantages... Near will kill me with previously unheard of brutality if he ever finds out; I have more or less no doubt about that.

... I think that's the only major downside. It's the only real irk that comes quickly to mind... Whoa, shit.

There's only one reason why I shouldn't love him, and there's two why I should. Two is larger than one.

Ferkkkkkkk.

I think I've successfully put myself into shock. _This cannot be!_

But before I begin to turn into a total vegetable, Matt speaks again. The first time he says it, all I hear is a vague mumbling. I'm still trying to get to grips with my own decision, and his input at the same time is just a little too much for my poor brain to cope with.

...I think he's expecting an answer to whatever it was. Crap.

I gape in a goldfish-esque way again for a few seconds, words eventually falling, slurred, out of my mouth.

"...Sorry, Matt, what was that...?"

I try hard to pay some attention this time, not wanting to appear rude. That's a first, he should feel really honoured.

"Well... Mello... I know we decided a little while ago that we were going to keep the whole relationship immoral and secret and everything...B-but, uh... Well, if we're actually, properly in love and all, perhaps we should-"

I know what he's going to say, and I do not want to do that. No, no, no.

"No!" I find myself half-yelling the single word, my voice wavering embarrassingly with the force of my disagreement. Matt's face rapidly turns utterly terrified, and I quickly try to calm down, feeling bad, awkwardly putting my arms around him, moving my face close to his. Damn, he smells so good.

...But seriously, no.

"Matt... If we tell Near, he'll skin us alive and rape our corpses and... Un-good things, ok? I'm not even kidding, he would go completely ape-shit, and we _would_ die."

Matt looks mildly troubled by such a prospect, frowning lightly and biting his lip, one of his hands resting vacantly on my forearm. I notice his nails, bitten right back to the quick; I wonder if that's because he was worried about all this stuff?

"...Look, I get your point that he'd be a bit pissed off-" That could well be the largest understatement in the history of mankind. "-but honestly... What's the worst he could do..?"

"...Uh, skin us alive and rape our corpses. That's pretty dire, y'know."

Matt pouts at me. I think it's supposed to be disapproving, but to my eyes it's just precious. He can't really pull off angriness.

"For the love of Zelda, Mello! You're overreacting! People break up and stuff all the time... And not everyone attempting to leave a relationship gets murdered, now do they? I mean, some do..." That's so not helping. "...But not very many."

I sigh, wondering how best to get my worries across. "Yeah, but... You gotta understand, Near has more or less no feelings. He's not gonna get why I don't like him anymore, and he's gonna want to punish me for being...bad. He has a basic sense of justice, and that's about it... But when you've got no emotions, the line between good and bad is so fucking thin... I can honestly see him crossing it and finding a violent way of 'punishing' me..."

Matt cocks his head a little, the frown deepening a little. "Shit. You actually sound pretty fucking serious...!"

...I'd facedesk, but alas, there is no desk nearby; and head-butting the redhead beside me as an alternative does seem a little extreme.

"...I was pretty fucking serious, Matt!"

He pulls a rather odd face. Maybe he's thinking. Hard. I wait out the silence, half-expecting steam to start coming out of his ears. I would honestly not put it past him to overheat his brain in such a way.

"Well... Perhaps, then, I should reconsider..." I cross my fingers metaphorically, begging he'll change his mind. Psychopathic Near really is a possibility, and I don't want it to happen. Eventually he nods slowly, blinking happily in his signature, lizard-like way.

"Ok. We'll let things go on as they are for now, right? But my sense of righteousness decrees that at some point, Near should be told of these recent happenings of lust and turmoil!"

Why does he do that sometimes, go all intelligent and poetic on me? It's freaking unnerving!

I reward him with the friendliest smile I can manage, squeezing my arms gently around him and giving him a small kiss on the cheek. I'll try and reason with him later about telling Near in the future sometime. "Thank you, Matty-babe... Trust me, it's for the better..."

Matt rolls his eyes. "Sure, sure... Honestly, I bet it'll all be fine. You're just being a silly Mel!"

I can't help but chuckle lightly at his blinding, childish optimism. "My arse..." I whisper, leaning closer to him for a kiss, pleased as he immediately tilts his head to meet my lips, and I can feel his answering smile through the soft contact. I'm not particularly interested in deepening the kiss this time, happy to just have a moment of relative purity – I mean, now we're apparently... "in love"... Shit. Anyway, now we're in love, I guess we should try and do a bit more than just have hardcore sex all the time.

My arms slide comfortably around his waist, holding him gently against my own body, and I'm just about to close my eyes and melt away when something catches my eye. Reluctantly, I open my eyes wider again and turn my attention towards whatever it is, lips still lingering just about on Matt's. He hasn't noticed anything out of place yet. But I definitely have. It feels quite a lot like someone just forcibly pulled my stomach up my throat.

Near's staring at us through the window.


	18. Chapter 18

**Holy crap. It's been a little while, hasn't it…? I am so sorry. XD School, forgetfulness, and new fandoms has delayed this far too much… But that's not really any excuse, I guess. Sorry. XD This was written while listening to a freaking awesome remix of Kamaro's Theme, for anyone who cares. If you know Majora's Mask, you might know who that guy is. If you like Majora's Mask, or Zelda, at all… Well, I'm right here in my yaoi den if you ever wanna come and make babies. But anyway. See you soon, I promise this time~! ^^;**

FUUUUUUUU-

This isn't good at all. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to work that out. But… This… It's not _good_!

Matt being Matt, he's not yet noticed anything amiss. As I stare past him in total horror, I can feel his lips plucking a little at mine, almost like some confused little puppy wanting to know why he was being ignored. But I can't respond to him – partially because I'm totally frozen, and partially because if I do, Near might smash through the window and kill us both with a pneumatic drill. Or something.

Although… I think he might do that anyway. Maybe not with a drill, but the end result – death – will be the same.

I'm sort of surprised that he hasn't moved at all yet. He's just…staring. It's fucking terrifying. Why did he come and look through the window in the first place, anyway? That's not normal! He's such a creep!

I quickly come to the decision that I should probably let him in and try to…explain. But how? How the fuck…?

Not taking my eyes off my roommate (and probably soon to be murderer), I slowly push Matt off my lap and stand up. Matt looks up at me quizzically, expression slightly hurt. "Mel…? What did I do now…?"

"Nothing," I reply mindlessly. My voice sounds embarrassingly dead. Maybe I'm in shock or something. I don't know. All I do know is that this is definitely the most shitlessly-scared I have ever been.

"Then… What's with the sudden frigidness?" Matt asks, eyebrows knitting together, mouth forming a silly little pout. "Don't be mean!"

Under any other circumstances, I'd probably be annoyed with him by now. But there's far more pressing things at hand to distract me. I nod towards the window. "Just look, Matt."

The redhead turns around slowly, expression sceptical at first, and then non-existent as he noticed my boyfriend standing outside. Silence hangs for a couple of moments, before being broken by a dull thud as Matt passes out and falls off the sofa. He seems to lose consciousness quite a lot… Still, I really can't blame him this time.

Deciding to ignore his spread-eagled body taking up much of the floor space, I slowly begin to walk towards the hallway to get the door. It feels like I'm walking towards a gallows or an electric chair or something; I just get this dreadful feeling I'll die when I reach my destination. I hope it's misguided.

I can see Near's outline through the frosted panes in the door, waiting for me. Silently, I pray to someone – God, perhaps – that I'll survive the next few minutes. I hope he won't think I'm being too much of an asshole. He probably knows I'm not actually religious, I just wear rosaries because they look cool. Maybe he'll save me anyway..?

I fumble with the keys, and swear at them, and eventually the door opens.

"…Hi Near!"

I plaster onto my face the brightest smile I possibly can, and beg he won't be able to tell how fake it is. Although I suspect even a badger could probably tell; faking smiles is really not my strongpoint.

Near stares blankly at me for a while. I can feel tides of total, insane fear breaking over me. I'd probably be calmer if I knew whether or not this was an overreaction. But I didn't.

"Mello… Could you please tell me why you were kissing Matthew in the living room?"

"…" My mind's so slow with terror that I simply don't understand. "…Who the hell is Matthew?"

Near steps quietly inside, his eyes never leaving my face. He walks towards me, and I shy away, until I'm against the wall and almost nose to nose with my scary-ass boyfriend. His eyes are hard and dark. Had they belonged to anyone other than him, I would've been able to see anger in them, I'm certain. In Near's, there is just void.

"You know who," Near murmurs. "The man you were just kissing, in the living room. The imbecile you've been going to see at the hospital to fix the issues we've had with your penis."

"…Ah."

"Why were you kissing him, Mello? I do not understand. Is kiss-practise just a free extra?"

I flounder, trying to speak. It's suddenly so difficult. "…Yeah, pretty much."

"But you already know how to kiss."

True.

I chuckle uneasily, unable to look away from those empty eyes. "Yeah, well… Doesn't hurt to practise a bit, does it? So I'm in peak kissing condition for you and all…!"

Near didn't even crack a smile. Not that I had particularly expected him to. I try to edge away from him and the wall, but he just mirrors my movements, trapping me. "Do you want to know what I think, Mello Keehl? I think you are a liar and a whore and you have replaced me with him. Isn't that right?"

…I know Near isn't stupid. I didn't really expect him to believe me. But at the same time, I hadn't expected such an uncouth response. I feel almost hurt. Whilst I stand, surprised, I fail to notice Near's hands creeping slowly upwards.

I am about to respond with another bullshit sentence to give myself some more time when suddenly, my throat seems to constrict, the words getting stuck and dying halfway. For a moment I simply don't get it – why isn't speech working?

…Wait, wait, wait. Why isn't _breathing _working, either?

This is the point, naturally, at which I start to panic. What the hell's going on? I happen to glance down, and suddenly things become much clearer. Near's hands are up by my face, and his slender fingers are squeezing tight around my neck.

Relief. Well, at least I know what's causing it now…!

…Hold the fuck up. _Holy fucking shit!_

I struggle, trying my damndest to shove Near away, but he's stronger than I expected, and oxygen starvation is already kicking in and sapping my strength. The brief, delirious thought runs through my mind that I wished I had bigger lung reserves, like a rhino, before being forced out again. I fall back pathetically, and he presses me against the wall, fingers flexing, then tightening still more.

I gasp weakly, twitching like a beached fish as I try feebly to get away. Black spots pop in front of my eyes, obscuring my vision. _I don't want to die here, at the hands of some asshole sheep-boy!_ I find myself thinking dizzily. _This will not do!_

I can feel consciousness failing, and a final spear of terror lances into me. I'm going to die or something. Arse.

But very, very faintly, I can still hear something; something other than my own frantic squeals for breath. An odd shuffling sound, vague but definitely there, not my imagination. Can Near hear it, too..? Maybe he's the one making it… I can't think straight. It hurts.

The shuffling stops, and suddenly, the pressure around my neck lessens just a fraction, as if my attacker is hesitating.

Silence, for just a moment, and then a loud, harsh clonking sound. The hands, mercifully, fall away completely this time, and I hear a thump; presumably Near on the floor. Fuck, I hope so.

"Matt…?" I choke, flailing out one hand blindly, the other hand clutching my throat. I can't see anything, and I think I'm going to fall over very soon indeed. Everything feels…

"Mello!" comes the reply I'd so badly wanted to hear, throwing aside any other thoughts, and as I fall forwards, I feel strong arms catch me and lay me down gently on the floor. "Mello, Mello… I see why you were against the idea of him finding out now."

"Do you…really…?" I pant sarcastically, holding my shaking body as close as I can to him. My sight is slowly coming back, and I can see his face above mine, and his arms cradling me to him. I can also see, beside him, one of my especially large, heavy boots. I'm guessing that was what he'd used to knock Near out. What a good boy he was, after all.

Matt slowly shakes his head, looking serious, just for once. "Damn, that scared me…"

"Me too," I agree quietly. My voice sounds odd, and I feel myself blushing a little, despite everything. I will _not _cry.

Or perhaps I will.

Matt pats me gently on the back, expression back to its usual, situation-defying optimism. "Don't worry, Mello, you can cry. Everyone does when they break up."

…That's a good point he's just made, actually. I suppose you could call my near-death quite a good way of saying 'it's over'. Which means…

"Hey, Matt…?" I whisper. I don't think I'm going to stay awake much longer, but it's important I do this before I pass out. When I'm back to normal, my sanity will probably have come back, too. And I certainly won't be able to ask then. "…Will you go out with me?"

My eyes shut as soon as I've made my request, and I hear a soft chuckle from above. "Honestly, Mels. I thought you'd never ask."


	19. Chapter 19

**Oh my life. Me and updating, huh? They just don't seem to mix. Sorry D: Anyway..! This is the final chapter, guys..! At long last. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm debating whether or not to write a sequel, or to try out another pairing, or what… So if you're kind enough to review, let me know what you'd like..! I'm going to try to write more in 2012, so… Yeah, I'd appreciate suggestions for stuff to write about~! Anyway… Happy New Year everyone who may or may not be reading this, please enjoy the last chapter of Loving Lessons ^^**

Considering that it was Matt who was left in charge of the whole situation, it was actually dealt with reasonably well.

After relocating my stunned dead weight to the sofa, he'd – somewhat incredibly – done the responsible thing and called the police. I'd been in too much of a dizzy fog to actually pay much attention, but from what I overheard, he explained it all quite decently. I'll admit to being surprised, but at the same time, I kind of realised that maybe I'd been overly harsh to him every time in the past. To be fair, when he banged the rocks together, he just occasionally managed a spark.

By the time the cops arrived I was slightly more conscious, and I could answer the questions they asked me; though I was still pretty glad they kept it short. I was also glad they left out asking me what might have motivated Near to do it. Having to explain that would've been long, and awkward, and complicated.

And so, with far less fuss than I'd expected, they'd flung my ex-boyfriend into the back of their squad car and driven away. They'd probably want me to come in to answer some more questions sometime soon, they said, but the likelihood was that Near would be going down for a while for attempted manslaughter with few questions asked. Apparently they'd actually run into him once in the past, which surprised me. The policeman who told me this seemed somewhat reluctant to explain fully, and though I probed, all I could gather was that his crime had involved indecency and sheep. I didn't really need to think too much to figure the rest out, though.

Cruel though it felt, I had to admit that it made me all the more glad to be rid of him. I had to admit to myself now that I hadn't really loved Near for a while anyway. Matt, on the other hand…

Well. I can't really call it 'love' yet; we haven't known each other long enough for that. But I think, now that Near's out of the picture, we might be able to make a proper go at things. I can pile all the insults I want onto that little redhead, but in the end… I think I'd quite like that.

…How _embarrassing._

But I guess… Whatever happens, happens, now. I mean… I sort of persuaded him to move in with me almost instantaneously. Just on impulse – it felt like the right thing to do. I'm not sure if it actually was, but I guess we'll find out pretty soon. The more I think about it, the worse an idea it seems, but… Maybe I'll be proven wrong. I just don't know.

"Melly-moo~!"

No, it was definitely a bad idea.

I look up as the redhead enters the room, quickly feeling somewhat embarrassed as I notice how he's only wearing boxers. He's only been here for a few days, but he's already settled into his old-home habits again, and apparently that includes wandering about in a state of near-nudity. I guess that's fair enough when you live alone, because there's nobody to see you… But still.

I stare pointedly at the TV to avoid gawking at him; that's what I'd been doing before he entered the living room, anyway. Matt had decided to bring his gaming collection in its entirety with him, and much to my own surprise, I'd discovered the delights of Zelda. He insisted on being retro, so he only had Gamecube Zelda games with him; but they were pretty damn good so far.

I hear a soft laugh behind me, and the soft patting sound of the redhead approaching. He sits down beside me on the arm of the chair, and watches my progress with a practised eye. I can sense a derisive comment on its way. Then again, Matt doesn't seem capable of particularly hurtful insults, so I'm not too worried.

"Why are you even trying that, Mels…? It's as if you _want_ to blow his arms off."

"Well, I don't know how this works, do I..?" I mumble indignantly, wincing a little at my ineptitude as I manage to repeat my prior mistake again almost perfectly. Matt shakes his head slowly. If nothing else, he's always truthful.

"No, that's true."

I suppress a growl; I can't help it! Even if he's not trying to fuck me over, he's managing it..!

"You do it, then, if you're so wonderful," I hiss, shoving the controller towards him. He grins, and I get a distinct feeling that I may have made a grave mistake.

"All righty then, I will~!" he crows, taking the controller from me and quickly directing my little green-clad hero in the proper direction, thumbing the right buttons at the right times with practised smoothness, which I am ashamed to admit, I sort of admire. Before long he's straightened things out for me, and he hands the controller back with irrepressible smugness, offering me a cheeky wink. "See, it was easy really~!"

I roll my eyes and nod listlessly, resigned to just give him the answer he wants. I mean, unfortunate though it is, there's no getting around the fact that he is better at gaming than me, and he knows it too. It's annoying, but it's just the way of things.

I continue along feebly for a while without Matt passing comment, which pleases me; maybe I'm not doing so badly after all..! I mean, I'm getting places, and I haven't blown my arms off for a good few minutes… Then again, I haven't touched anything capable of doing that for a few minutes, either. Whatever!

I'm just starting to get really absorbed in what I'm doing when a sad little voice from beside me interrupts my newly formed Zelda mindset. I'd be angry usually, but… Some small part of me always seems to want to understand Matt, for some reason. Well, nobody's perfect.

"…Oh."

I pause the game – feeling a momentary spark of pride in my sensible thinking – and turn to him quietly. "Matty…?"

He turns to me, green eyes somewhat troubled. It's not an expression I like to see on him. He's always supposed to look blank, or cheery, or in throes of sexual ecstasy… Not frowny..!

"Melly, I'm horny."

"… I see."

I catch myself wondering if this is a direct result of watching a small elf run about in a cave, but quickly dismiss the thought. He might be many things, but I don't think he's a paedophile. Maybe, then, it's something to do with me… Oh, that would make me feel so special.

I realise abruptly that my answer just now probably wasn't very helpful to the redhead, and quickly attempt to make eye contact again. "I, um… Ah. Well…"

He cuts across me. "I could go for a wank, maybe…" he murmurs thoughtfully. "But ever since we did it, I've found getting off by myself to be really quite a lonely, dull experience…"

I pause awkwardly. I can't believe he just told me that in such a casual voice.

"…Well…"

… I don't really like to accept it, but I suppose if I'm honest, I… I do quite like sharing that kind of intimacy with him. I mean… It's fun. And… Ah, I should really stop trying to put reason behind every action I take with him. I shouldn't have to do that, right..? I _don't _have to do that. I try hard to convince myself.

No, I don't have to do that. I can't ignore the fact that a part of me wants Matt, in several different ways. It's time I just let things be.

I take a deep breath.

"…Maybe… I could help you out, then."

Matt doesn't seem to see the significance of my words, doesn't seem to see that this is the start of me actually taking a willing approach to us and our relationship. But then, I didn't expect him to. He's only Matt- though I guess I should try to get out of that mentality now.

"Really…? You will…? Oh, smashing~!"

… This has got to be a mistake. All of it; getting him to move in, getting serious about him, encouraging him like this…

But I suddenly realise that it doesn't matter, and that I don't care. He is Matt, and I think I can endure some tedium for him, because deep down, this was what I wanted from the start.

I toss the Gamecube controller aside and pull him down into a searing kiss.


End file.
